I Was So Madly In Love With Him That I Let Him Use Me

Anonymous Anonymous in Your Story on 23 September, 2017

I shifted from Mumbai to Lucknow to move over my torturous relationship of four years. When I settled down in Lucknow, I got mesmerized with the natural beauty and cultural diversification of the city. I was also very positive about my new sales job profile which required me to travel to nearby towns. During one such visit while catching the train back to the city, a cute-looking guy in a yellow shirt asked me to shift a bit. I gave him a part of my seat and we spent the entire journey talking. I told him about my frequent visits to nearby areas. 

The next day on my way back, I saw him peeping through the window of my coach. It seemed as if he was looking for someone. When he saw me, he smiled and said that he had reserved a seat for me. We sat together and once again, our journey became wonderful. He was extremely charming and had a great sense of humor too. We exchanged our phone numbers and starting chatting with each other.

Within a few months, I started falling for him and confessed my feelings to him. He said that he couldn't marry me because of our religious differences; he was a Muslim while I am a Hindu. I agreed and we continued being just friends.
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 But as time passed, we came very close to each other. We would meet every weekend and often got intimate, as well.

Then, one day he told me that some girl from his college days was torturing him and he needed to talk to her alone and needed the keys to my apartment for it. He said that because she too was a Muslim, he couldn't meet her in public.

I didn't want to give him my apartment keys to be with some other girl alone, but I couldn't refuse him. They spent six hours in my apartment.

Those six hours were very hard for me, but I still trusted him.

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Next weekend he didn't call me back, so I called him instead. He started crying on the phone. I asked him to come to my apartment to which he told me that that girl with whom he had been in my apartment, was his girlfriend. He said that she was going to leave him as he didn't earn well enough, while she came from a business class family. I comforted him, despite feelings betrayed because I felt that he needed me as friend. Things became normal in a few days and he got transferred to Lucknow. I was very happy. We became more emotionally and physically involved. One day during dinner, he told me about this girl in his branch who was proper 'marriage material'.

I felt jealous and tried to ignore the topic. But after a few days, I noticed him being extremely fussy about his phone. I'd find him online on Whatsapp even late into night. When I asked him about it, he said that he was a part of some office group chat. I didn't believe him and felt extremely insecure. Then, I saw pictures of the same girl he was talking about from his branch - who, by the way, was Hindu - in his phone. I got so angry that I started fighting with him over it. But he promised that there was nothing between them. I still didn't believe him. I messaged that girl on FaceBook and asked her if she knew him. She replied that he was his friend. Hearing this, I felt quite guilty and apologized to him and took him out for dinner. During dinner I got a message from the same girl asking reason why I was inquiring about them. I told her that I was his best friend and that he was hiding his relationship from me, so I just wanted to know the truth. That's when she confirmed that they had been dating since the past four months and were even planning to get married soon.

I was shocked. I didn't say a single word to him. I dropped him to his place and went back to my apartment. I cried the entire night and even attempted suicide. Early morning, the door bell rang and I saw him standing outside. He started apologizing and crying, but I slapped him thrice for playing with my feelings and asked him to get lost. Later that morning, I want to his branch to confront him. He begged me to not to tell that girl about his relationship with me. But I went ahead and told her everything.

Later that evening, she called me. She told me that he used to follow her around every day, begging her for one chance to meet him since the past four months. Eventually, she agreed. And that he had introduced me to her as some psycho friend in his life who was madly in love with him and torturing him because of it, everyday.

I was so hurt that I immediately applied for a transfer.

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But then, he called me and shouted at me.

He said that we were never in a relationship and that he had never told me that he loved me so I should stop messing with his love life.

I felt guilty, because somewhere I knew he was right - he had never committed to me.

The day I was leaving Lucknow arrived and he took permission from him girlfriend to see me off. I promised him that I would help him get his lover back.

To fulfill my promise, I started chatting with his girlfriend.

I tried to convince her to get back with him. Within 15 days, they were back together and happier than ever before, forgetting me like a bad dream.
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I changed my contact number to forget him and stayed away from their life. But, a few weeks later, he called me asking if we could still be friends. I wanted to talk to him about everything I had faced since I left, every night I had spent crying over him. But, I didn't. I allowed him to call me occasionally if he needed me as a friend. One day he called me and told me that he got intimate with his girlfriend at her home, while her mother was admitted in the hospital. After a few days he again called and said that he didn't have the guts to ask his parents for an inter-caste marriage and so he wanted to leave her. And even that girl was okay with his decision.

It's been almost a year since then.

Now, he is searching for a Muslim girl to get married to. He keeps sending me photographs of these girls and I even help him choose.

But even now, every time I see him online after 10:30 p.m, my heart shrinks and I find it hard to breathe. I have tried to stop talking to him but he keeps calling me, after every few days and then, things get back to normal. I have lost all my confidence in relationships and myself. I am lost.