I Was Prepared To Lose Her And I Never Want To Feel Like That Again

Rucha Tare Rucha Tare in Your Story on 18 August, 2017

It was raining cats and dogs in Mumbai in Mahim while I was sitting in an empty room of Hinduja hospital, staring blankly at those depressing walls. My brain was vacillating between good and evil thoughts. I was playing the biggest gamble of my life, I would either win my mother or lose everything that I had. Around four hours ago, she was taken to the operation theatre to get operated on a tumor in her brain on the third floor. She was accompanied by a nurse and only the staffs were allowed there. I had waved at her with a smile that covered up my nervousness. Her eyes showed a sign of hope to return.

Since then we had been waiting for the news. Hopefully positive, but my brain was drained thinking about all the negative consequences. The Neurosurgeon, who had around 30 years of experience in the field and had treated celebrities like Salman’s facial nerve paralysis to Hrithik’s brain clot had warned us a day before the operation. It was a critical one. We were told that she might lose one of her sensory organs, half body paralysis or even worse – death!

The doctors there declared such operations successful only when the patient’s anesthesia subsidies and all their senses react. These four hours were unending and dreadful. My hands shook with fear. My throat was dry and my brain was replaying all the childhood memories. I was surrounded by many yet no one could comfort me.

I thought about all our big and small fights, about how I was a typical mother-hating teen at one point. How badly I needed her, how dependent I am on her even if I manage to hide it. From the very first memory to her hopeful eyes, I remembered it all. 

I believe in the science, but even the atheist in me wanted to run to all the Gods for help. It was the only test I was taking, I wasn’t sure of the results.

Frankly, I had prepared for the worst but hoped for the best. And the news broke. The operation was successful and she was alright. Everything was perfect. It took minutes to process that for my brain which was nearly dead. It was really difficult to put that feeling in words. Happiness didn’t even count. Overjoyed or euphoric seemed smallest words then. The indescribable feeling, when I saw her face that emitted the satisfaction and a pride of a victorious warrior. Her eyes said she made it. I felt like the richest person on the earth in that moment.

Yet the first lines that I spoke to her were – ‘Kiti drama kelas tu Rakhi Sawant’ (kitna drama kia, Rakhi Sawant and we both smiled.