Relationships heartbreak college romance young love

I Was In Love, But I Didn't Know I Was Careless Too

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

I wonder if you’re reading this story. If you’re not, well, to all those who are. This isn’t a unique one, I’m quite sure of that. But it is one that changed me, I’d like to say for the better… but all those who fall in love and then out of it, know that you’re never quite the same at the end of it all. I met this guy in my fourth year of college, we connected because of a mutual friend, my college senior. This senior had tried to flirt with me in the beginning, but there was something about his friend that appealed to me much, much more.

Around this time, I was kind of lonely around college, I had just recently been dumped and it felt good to have a new, supportive friend in my life at this time.

Kuntal (name changed), was preparing for his MBA entrance exams. We used to talk when he’d get back from work though. He had the loveliest ways of making me laugh. I loved how free I could be when I was with him.

During my semester exams, I decided to confess and tell him how I felt. But I didn’t get a positive response from him. He said he just wanted to be friends… and that we are, great friends. But of course, I wanted more. I thought that over time, things would change and I would definitely be able to change his mind. Once I was done with my B.Tech, I met him for dinner one evening and we spoke for a long, long time. He grabbed my hand then, and it sent me shivers.

However, he was still sure that he didn’t want anything more from us. I told him that I couldn’t deny that I was in love with him, but I also appreciated his honesty because it meant that he valued our friendship as much as I valued him. Soon after, he went off for his MBA course to Nasik and I got my first job. We spoke at night, regularly for hours. He was my motivation, inspiration and everything else that a girl could ask for. We went out for movies, dinners and yes, even kissed. It was beautiful!

For two long years, our friendship, or whatever this was, went on perfectly. We did have our fair share of fights, no doubt. And this always happened when I spoke about our future, or rather, any future. But he denied it, again and again. Every single time.

One day though, when I insisted for a reason, he told me that his parents wouldn’t accept me. While these things would hurt me, he would also tell me things like, how he wanted to just run away and escape with me. But he was moody and unpredictable when it came to our future and this honestly sent me spiralling.

While all of this was going on with us, my parents decided that it was time for me to get married. I told him about this, and this time, his truth hit hard. He didn’t love me. Never had. Never will. The only reason he spoke to me all these years, was because he thought I would end up doing something stupid, even contemplate suicide.

I couldn’t believe my ears. Tears rolled down my cheeks, but there was nothing I could say to him, or myself to ease the pain. And just like that, my marriage was fixed. I informed him about this and he texted me back saying, “Congratulations”. We spoke on and off until I got pregnant. Soon, we lost contact.

If you’re reading this, I just want to say, I miss you and you should know that I’m never going to forget you.

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