As I was watching the movie ‘Coco’, the song ‘Remember me’ made me reminisce of him, wandering down the memory lane of our first chat, first meet up, and first kiss. It doesn’t end here, it is coupled with that dreadful call from him when he ‘informed’ me of his engagement to 'her' within the month.
There was a time when I believed even his words to the extent of thinking that everything else was just a war of the hearts. I had all the faith and sincerity of my efforts to mend the whole situation, however failing to see what actually was coming.
I still remember the 4.30pm call which took me back to those horrifying two years, making my hands shiver with cold as I saw the dewdrops falling on leaves outside my office window. As I narrated the call to two of my best friends, I didn’t forget to state how he said that he knew what he was doing wasn't the best course of action but it was the reality of his life and I had to accept it.
Why did I iterate this? Perhaps, helping me cope with feelings of abandonment, the final one, among several previous ones.
As I pen down my story here I struggle to choose what I write and what to leave. Oh, we also had dreamt of penning down our story into a novel, the exciting story of two people from the most premier institutes of the country, the Delhi-Bombay long distance, that touch of Bollywood drama in the chapters.
But this chapter, I had never thought of writing, never imagined in the wildest of my dreams but the irony is now I sit down here under my new onion coloured blanket uncovering the various layers of this unintended chapter of my life.
Just a day before that numbing call was our seventh anniversary and I couldn’t help it. Without any expectations in return, I wrote him a post about what all those years meant about togetherness, those sweet coincidences of life to those of wasteful hopes, of the questions remaining unanswered, of feeling worthless, of coming out strong, trying to be stronger than ever making me count all those bitter experiences of life into a string which I didn’t deserve for what I invested.
This rendered me feeling that life is nothing but an unjust tryst with destiny. Little did I know, what was to follow was going to be another jolt to many tremors I have had to go through.
As I sipped my cold coffee and brownie (well, medically I am not allowed to have sweets, I decided to defy those boundaries), the songs that played in the background kept taking me to that night of our first passionate hug, our first Pizza date, and his hot chocolate fudge.
Oh, I forgot to tell, as my mother also fondly remembers how I told her about this sizzling brownie with ice cream he had offered me. I was still not sure of what to feel and if there was any explanation to all that was going around.
I had taken respite a while ago in the subtle comforts of somebody that made me fear that I would perhaps finally start loving, but that cloud of uncertainty and constant reminders of the same didn’t allow my peace to prevail.
My counsellor faintly remembers the story I told her two years back, and again I shall narrate her my story tomorrow, an updated one, with still hopes lying to help me make sense of what life is up to.