Until a moment ago I was somebody's everything. Somebody's hope for a happy family. Somebody's hope for a brilliant future. I belonged to all of my family, be it my father, my mother or my brother.
Now I’m married.
And now I have 'a' family. I don't know how the people who raised me, made me how I am, who worked hard during my hardships to help me achieve something because of which I am earning today, suddenly became somebody else, just because I am married.
I don't know how you can share all my little-to-nothing details with your mother and how even talking to my mom for 2 minutes over the phone makes me a mama's boy. I don't know how to leave my parents and spend all my time on you or your family, or spend everything I earn on you and your family.
I don't understand how all of sudden the fruits of hardships of me and my family, became exclusively and truly yours.
I don't know what to say to your father who tells me that I shouldn't listen to my father. I don't know how to handle the death threats on your own life, or your ever lying parents. How come I am just there to serve you, buy you gifts every now and then and you, who claims to be an independent modern 'Not-a-village' girl, never once does the same for me.
I don't know how to love you or your parents (as demanded) if they keep hurting my parents, my family in every way possible. I don't know how to love you if you keep seeing problems in me and my parents and never even try to make an effort to understand. I don’t know how to give you or your parents any respect when you have none for my feelings.
Until a moment ago, I was just a happy person who was allowed to make mistakes, laugh and fix them but I am all alone now.
I don't know how to be with a sadist like yourself, who can compare my love towards your own child with what I have towards you. Who gets 'STUCK' at home because of their own child for the little kid you call your son.
I always belonged to people who loved me but I don't know how to wear a plate on chest saying that I come 'as a father of a child who is not even born yet' and not as a 'son to my parents'. I don't know how to get attached to a child who is not even 2 months old in his mother's womb and whose mother took 2 weeks to decide to let him live and not abort.
I don't know how to keep sending gifts to you from a place where I am clearly struggling and to the place where you are clearly comfortable and enjoying. I don’t know how to predict if a small smile on my face may cause you disgust and problems.
Until a moment ago, life was beautiful. Live was easy. Until a moment ago, I could pick up the phone and tell my mom I missed her so much. I could run to her and hug her whenever I wanted.
I don’t know how to make the people that brought me into this world less important than anything else. Until a moment ago, my life was mine. I could breathe, walk and talk freely. I could do what I wanted, go wherever I wanted to and smile however I wanted to.
Until a moment ago, I thought I was marrying a girl who loved me, who'd support me and would stand by my side. I don’t know how to love a girl who has no respect for my feelings. I don’t know how to stay married to a girl who refuses to lend me an ear when I have problems but doesn’t flinch before blaming me for causing her any discomfort I might or might not have caused.
Until a moment ago, I was loved, respected and I held my head up high. Until a moment ago, I was allowed a voice, my own opinions and had the right to dream. I don’t know how to be okay with everything you say and do now. I don't know how to start with zero when you clearly have no intentions of starting from zero every time you run away. I don’t know how to let every lever of myself grow into moulds you have created for me.
I’ll always be my mama's boy and daddy’s son. Nobody can take that away from me. I refuse to let this pseudo modernization of Indian system of marriage suck the life out of me, strip me of my dignity and turn me into just another face of a husband cum ATM.
I want to be a husband to a woman who deserves to be called a wife. I’ll be a member of a family that truly makes me one.
For the rest and ever, I will never stoop down to your level to lie and use foul language and gestures. I will continue to live the way I was raised. I promise you that my son will understand me because he is my son, has my brains. He will also have my heart. For that, he may love you more but even then I know you'll lose as me and my son have lost.