I Threw All Self Control Out Of The Window: I Kissed Him And Said, “I Love You!”

Anonymous Anonymous in Your Story on 9 July, 2018

I am a good looking girl with an attractive personality. But I am a little selective when I make friends. I can’t talk freely with everyone but am very free with my close friends.

I had just got admission in an engineering college. Initially, my batch mates and seniors in college would try to talk to me.

But I didn’t pay too much attention to them because I had this kind of an attitude.
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But after a few months, we created a group and started getting to know one another.  Like in all other colleges, we too had to elect a student representative for our batch of students.

I was elected as the president for girls and Aman was elected as the president for boys. Initially, I didn't like Aman at all.

But after a few days, we had to organize a meeting for a batch naming programme. We had a few cold fights while organizing this meeting too.

I never knew that I would end up falling in love with a guy I disliked so much. I was drawn to him in a different way. I had never felt like this before for anyone.
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I had been in a relationship earlier but had felt so suffocated in it. I had never understood that guy properly. Maybe this was because he was a little older than me. Anyway, the relationship lasted only for a few months. Only a few of my roommates knew about my relationship. Aman too had been in a relationship earlier.

And despite my past experiences I started liking him. I loved seeing him. I wanted to talk to him. I dreamt of him and I knew I really cared for him.

After a few days, we both were busy making the arrangements for the programme. He called me and told me that he wanted me to do a favour for him. He then told me that his girlfriend was coming with him to the programme.

I agreed to help him because I knew it would make him happy. I could feel the pain in my heart when I saw him with his girlfriend. But I just ignored my feelings and involved myself in the programme.

The programme was a huge hit and we were all very happy about it. We all planned to go out the next day because it was my roommate’s birthday. All the girls got into a taxi and the boys got into another one. But even after we reached our destination I did not feel very comfortable.

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I could feel the heaviness in my heart.

They were the only couple in our group so we all decided to give them some space. That was the day I realized that I could not bear to see him with anyone else. I did not want to share him with anyone else. Aman, of course, was not aware of all this.

I knew I had fallen deeply in love with him over the past few months.

I always kept a tab on all that he was doing. I observed all his habits and reactions. I liked everything about him. I knew my feelings would never be reciprocated but I could not control them either.

I had never experienced these kinds of emotions earlier. It was a different feeling altogether.  I was ready to give up everything for him – my attitude, my rules, my values etc.

The day finally ended and we returned to our college. I did not even look at the taxi in which both of them were seated.

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I started falling for him more deeply with each passing day.

One of his roommates belonged to our group and he had a crush on me. He asked Aman to help him get in touch with me. So Aman started talking to me.

We had a lot in common. So our conversation went on for several hours.

We talked for a couple of days and discussed several things in a casual manner. Finally one day, he called me to talk to me about his roommate’s proposal.

When he called me I agreed to meet him without a second’s hesitation.

We planned to meet in the park. We talked to each other. I felt very close to him because I was meeting him alone for the first time. I was finding it difficult to control my feelings for him.

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Every time I looked at him I would make up my mind to tell him how much I loved him. But I knew I would be doing the wrong thing by confessing my feelings to him. So I would control myself again.

Then it started raining heavily. We had to move from that place. Suddenly the weather changed and it became cold.

I was dying from within because I wanted to share my feelings with him. I stopped myself a hundred times.

Finally, the rain stopped. We were sitting on the park bench and I was finding it difficult to control my emotions. He asked me if something was wrong.

He told me I looked a little upset.

I did not reply to him for a long time. So he started feeling guilty for calling me there. I fell in love with him when he said that.

I loved the way he talked to me. I loved the way he was calm and composed at all times. I could not stop myself. I kissed him. I told him that I loved him and liked him a lot.

He didn’t respond to my kiss or my love. He just held me after that and smiled at me. It looked like he didn’t want to embarrass me.

That is how the most beautiful day of my life ended.

We continued to be friends. I did meet a lot of other guys and also got several chances of entering into a relationship with them but none of them interested me anymore. None of them could evoke the same kind of feelings in my heart again. I knew that what I had felt for Aman was true. But I was happy that I was at least friends with him.

8 months later, on my birthday, Aman told me that he too loved me.

So much had changed in our lives in these 8 months. I wondered why it had taken him such a long time to reply to me.

But I respected him all the more for this. He was a hero in my eyes now.

There were a lot of people who wanted to be with me.

But he was the only person who wanted to know me first. He wanted to feel for me.

It took him 8 months to accept my love but the journey of our love had started. I realized that love can happen to anyone at any time anywhere. Sometimes love comes to us in the most unexpected ways. We have been in a relationship for 6 years now and are still madly in love with each other.

Author's Note:

Aman is a Hindu and I am a Muslim. I know our love story will have complications. We don’t know what to do. But we both are sure that we want to be together. I know there are lots of people who have to sacrifice their love and their dreams because of the pressure of society. We need lots of support. Your suggestions will help us. I hope our love story ends on a happy note.

Editor's Note:

Let’s learn not to anticipate problems in our lives. When we control our fears and turbulent emotions we are able to think intelligently with a calm and composed mind. Let’s share this story and be more sensitive to the feelings of our children. Love can never be classified into neat little compartments to fit within the barriers that we have created in our minds. Let love flow….into the lives of our children. They too deserve their share of happiness and love.