I Thought My Life Was Perfect But Now I Am Lost And Alone Without Her

Anonymous Anonymous in Your Story on 6 July, 2018

Let me start by introducing myself. I was a studious and introverted girl and I had a beautiful family. I was very close to my two parents and my younger sister; we were a close-knit family. My parents supported me and my sister in all our endeavours and stood by us in every decision we had taken in life. My sister and I had completed our engineering degree and were soon employed. Following the next natural course in a girl’s life, my parents started the search for a good partner for me, and through them, I met my soul mate.

He is an incredible man, supportive of me and my dreams, caring and incredibly loving of my family.

I was very blessed to be included in a family that considered me as their own daughter, and not a daughter-in-law and I was happy to be part of two such wonderful families. Before long, my husband and I decided that it was time to bring a new member to the family and we started trying to get pregnant. Before we knew it, three years had passed with zero results. We underwent numerous medical tests, each pronouncing us normal. The doctors explained to us that sometimes, infertility was caused by unexplained reasons, and as uncommon as that was, it wasn’t rare.

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Every time I got my period, I felt my heart bleed as well.

I was extremely depressed and it wouldn’t take much to reduce me to tears. Despite this, we didn’t stop trying. As it goes with the Indian society, people started to ask questions about our family planning and that would, in turn, just put more pressure on us to conceive.

Finally, we decided to opt for IVF and as a result of all our prayers, I conceived in the first cycle, with twins! Our families were so happy, and I felt as though I’d received everything I’d ever prayed for. As we were living apart from both our families, my husband and I were left to experience and enjoy my pregnancy with each other.

Suddenly, one day, I got a call from my father with the news that my mother had fainted and become unconscious a few days prior.
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After conducting all the tests, the doctors assured us that apart from the haemoglobin levels being low, there was nothing to worry about. They hadn’t wanted to tell me anything about it considering the fact that I was pregnant and they didn’t want me to take any extra stress. My mother assured me that she was taking care of herself and that she was eating iron-rich food to up her haemoglobin levels.

I was eight months pregnant when I went into labour. My mother rushed me to the hospital where I delivered a baby boy and a baby girl. As they were premature, they had to be kept in an incubator for more than 20 days. Mine was a C-Section, and so I needed a lot of care and attention. Thankfully, my mother was there to nurse me to health. I noticed that though she looked normal and healthy, she seemed tired a lot of the time, and I assumed that it was because of the stress of my delivery. Heeding my doctor’s advice, I went to stay with my mother, needing all the help I could get after the surgery.

But my mother fell sick again and we conducted a few more tests. The results came back as a huge shock to the family.

My mother was diagnosed with Intestine Cancer in the 3rd stage.

This news devasted the family. My father was in denial and he was heartbroken to think of my mother dying. My mother though, being the strong woman that she is, accepted everything with such grace and encouraged us not to lose hope as God had a plan and purpose for everything.

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I went into a major depression after hearing the news. I had to care for two new-borns alone and the stress of it was killing me. I would cry every day at the knowledge that my mother had only a few more months left to live. After her prescribed surgery, I couldn’t even go to visit her in the hospital as the twins were too young to be left alone or taken on a journey with. My mother-in-law was working at the time and she couldn’t come to help me. Due to all the stress, I was dealing with, my breast-milk reduced a lot in quantity.

I found solace in my younger sister. She stepped up and became a second mother to my babies, feeding them, giving them a bath, nursing them to health when they fell ill. I am very lucky for the support I found in my sister and my husband.

Then the pain of chemotherapy began.

It was horrible to watch our mother getting weaker right before our eyes. We were watching our mother die and we were helpless about it. Bu my mother never complained. She bore it all with such grace and such dignity. She remained her happy self and started encouraging us to be strong and positive. But I knew that she was trying to mask her own fears to be strong for her family.

Despite being so ill, she never shirked from her responsibilities. She found a suitable groom for my sister and enjoyed watching my sister get married. A few days later, she passed away. It was like she knew she had only a few days left and she hurried to complete her duties and rest in peace, knowing that we were all settled in our lives.

The pain is terrible. I refuse to believe that my mother no longer exists, I can’t. It is too difficult to move on. I still wait for her to call every day like she used to. I feel so alone without her. Nobody can take the place of my mother. Sometimes I get very upset with God and I ask him why he took her away. My father lives alone now and despite my insistence that he come live with us, he doesn’t. “Beti ke ghar nahi rahena chahie” (One shouldn’t stay in their daughter’s house), he says. He does visit from time to time, but he never stays for more than a few days.

That is my story. I am still struggling with my life and with my loss, but I know I will pull through. I am the daughter of an incredibly brave woman, who taught me to be courageous at the time of downfall. Her teachings have made me the woman I am today and I will remain the same, as a testament to her, forever.

Editor's Note:

Nobody can prepare you for the loss of a mother, except perhaps herself. It is heartbreaking to realize the number of mothers who are being tossed aside, the perpetrators not realizing that it was her umpteen sacrifices that strengthened their spines. Don't wait to share this story till it's Mother's Day to celebrate the amazing woman that made you who you are. Don't wait till its too late.