I Should Have Left Her Alone Instead Of Getting Thrown Out

Anonymous Anonymous in Your Story on 15 December, 2017

She said, “The right thing for me to do was to leave her alone!”

This one line that she told me changed my life and my perception towards love and people. I am a very straightforward person.

I say what I mean and I mean only what I say.
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But I guess this does not hold true for some people. They just say things that they do not mean in order to avoid a conversation. I liked this girl a lot. We met in a store in a mall quite by chance. We just clicked instantly. We started talking and roamed around the mall. We exchanged numbers before leaving the mall.

We started talking over Whats App and got to know each other. I knew myself well enough. So within a short time, I realized that I had started having feelings for her. But I guess she never felt anything for me.

In fact, I think she did not even consider me her friend.

We spoke about so many different things - religion, family stuff, our views, our family's views on things – we discussed it all. She said that she was a very open-minded person. But I was never a priority in her life. Her work and her career were more important to her than I was. She was attending classes because she wanted to get a better position in her firm and I was quite supportive of this.

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But then she started ignoring me. I started getting irritated by her behaviour. It started affecting our friendship.

I also stopped messaging her frequently and stopped getting involved in her life. I thought that maybe this is how she wanted to keep things.

But the moment I started pulling back, she came closer to me. This would always confuse me.

One weekend, I asked her to come to my place in the afternoon. I thought we could catch up with each other that way, relax for some time, watch movies etc.

But as usual, she said, "No." She gave me 100 reasons about why she could not meet me.
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I was very angry with her but I said, “Fine” and went out to have a few drinks with my friends. After a few drinks, I just lost my mind completely and I started sending messages to her.

Me: “Hi!”

Her: “Hi!”

Me: “How was your online class?”

Her: “Was good.”

Me: “What are you doing now?”

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Her: “Just sitting with my family. Nothing much.”

Me: “What the hell! Why could you not come out with me or be with me? I thought you were busy with your classes and studies and that is why you did not want to come out. But no. You are just trying to avoid me. Why?”

Her: “Don't overreact. We are meeting at the gym tomorrow any which ways. And in order for me to get a better job, I need to get this done. Understand.”

Me: “Why should I always be the one who compromises and understands? Why can’t you be with me and spend time with me?”

Her: “What do you mean by “being with you”?”

Me: “If you are unable to understand what I am trying to say, just leave it. I guess we should leave things as they are now.”

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Her: “There is clearly some misunderstanding. We are good friends. There can be nothing more between us.”

Me: “I like you a lot and definitely want to spend my time with you. But now I clearly know that this cannot happen. And I will understand if you do not wish to see me again.”

Her: “No. It’s OK. I am not a kid and I will never forget whatever you said today. Let’s just be as we were earlier.”

I was drinking steadily during this entire conversation. But when I got up the next morning, I felt like an idiot because I had confessed my liking for her. But then I was happy too because she did not want to break her friendship with me. I went through the messages to confirm this again and then started sending her normal messages like I used to earlier.

But her replies changed. They were all in monosyllables now. She stopped messaging me.

We loved sending voice messages to each other. But all that stopped. So I too started maintaining my distance from her. I changed my gym timings and we stopped looking at each other in the gym. I could not take all these things and I wanted to talk to her.

Earlier I would just go to her workplace and talk to her. We used to talk while she worked. Then things started changing. She stopped picking up my calls.

She stopped replying and I got furious.

So I wrote her a nasty message thinking that she would reply. I thought I would be able to say what I wanted to when she replied to me.

Her silence was killing me.

So one day, I decided to keep calling her till she answered. And that is when she put the final nail in the coffin of our relationship.

Her: “Why do you keep calling? I don’t think there is anything to talk about now.”

Me: “OK, if you say so. But then I don’t want to end the beautiful friendship that we shared like this. I want to talk to you. Give me a chance to explain. Let’s meet somewhere so that I can talk to you.”

Her: “Sorry. But I don’t think there is anything left to talk about. The right thing would be to leave me alone.”

Me: “OK.”

She tore my heart apart with this last message of hers. I don’t think I will ever be able to confess my feelings for anyone else again.

She hit me where she knew it would hurt me the most. I did not expect her to be so cruel with my feelings.

I thought that she would understand me because I was her friend. I thought that maybe we could become close friends. She did not accept my love. I could understand this because she had the right to do so. But she did not even give me a chance to explain things to her.

That is what hurt me the most and also the fact that she completely changed her stance within a few days.

I still wait for her call/message. I think she will never get in touch with me again. I thought she would come to meet me for the sake of our friendship. I wanted to discuss things with her. But no.

She has just thrown me out of her life like as if I never existed.
Author's Note:

I did not know that love could be so painful and that it could break my heart like this.  I did not know that even confessing the truth could be so painful….

Editor's Note:

It is perfectly fine if we do not love a person. But we need to respect the person with whom we share(d) a bond. Silence may not always be the best answer. Let’s remember that we are dealing with emotions and a hurt person is never a whole person. Do share this sensitive story if you too believe that this young man will find the right kind of love in his life someday.