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I Secretly Had A Crush On Her, So How Could I Say No?

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

I am a positive person, a very positive one. I see every problem as a challenge and try to overcome it.

However, I have been single for quite some time now. There were a few girls whom I liked and even expressed my interest to them; unfortunately, none of them were single. As a result, I haven’t been able to mingle with anyone since a long time.

I am extremely choosy and sometimes, my choices seem awkward to people.

The kind of girls I’m drawn to are slightly confused; they act mature and are even so in many cases, but they can't handle themselves. They are loving, caring and confused. Such girls tend to think a lot and in depth, and they are the only ones that can understand my insane nature.

Talking to such a girl is a joy as we can talk at length.

That’s what happened about two months ago. My ex-colleague’s roommate, a simple, elegant looking girl, pinged me after seeing my Whatsapp status.

We had been chatting for a year and through her behavior, I could sense that she was either on the cusp of a breakup or was in recovery mode.

But I was fine with just a casual friendship.

On that lucky day, she pinged me, asking me for a bike ride, as my status read, 'Wanna ride?', along with a picture of me on a bike.

I always had a little secret crush on her. So when she asked me, how could I say no?

After that, we met a few times, went for bike rides and did several other small but memorable things. For instance cooking; for me, she is the best cook as she cooks with love. Also usually, I sleep early, but there were days when we chatted till 2-3 a.m. talking about general things. But I didn't realize where all this was headed.

I always thought that I was a strong-willed person, but at some point, your will is overtaken by your emotions.

She told me that she had a boyfriend but had broken up with him. Though she never talks about him or matters of her heart, she shares things about her childhood, her family, which I love to hear.

Her mood keeps switching on and off, sometimes she’s like an innocent child, while there are times when she ignores me as if I am no one.

I understand her state of mind and what she is going through in life and so, I am apprehensive about doing or saying anything silly.

Even if she were committed to someone, I would have developed feelings for her. I’ve never thought about her physical looks, it’s her persona and the way she talks that has blown me away. I love her the way she is, completely natural.

But her chances of liking me are bleak. I can see it in her eyes that she weeps daily and has become kind of a recluse.

She has no social life and is also going through a bad phase in her career. Which is another reason why I don't want to add to her problems by being emotional or silly.

She didn't answer my phone yesterday and gave only short replies to my messages. Just the day before, we were planning to spend time together.

Gosh! It has been three days that I’ve been listening to sad songs on repeat.

My feelings for her keep growing with each passing day. But I don't know how she feels about me nor does she express what is in her mind. If she has the slightest thought of going ahead and has even a little affection for me, I swear to make her life beautiful forever.

Only if she speaks her heart, which she never does.

I am in pain but am also enjoying this sweet situation. Ultimately, that's what all of us dream of, to love someone truly, no matter what happens next.

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