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I Loved My Cousin, I Adore My Fiancé. But Only My Best Friend Understands Me.

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

Like all other normal teenagers, I too was tense about my board exams. I was constantly studying. I joined some online forums and sites where I could appear for mock exams. A guy started following me here. After a while, he sent me an online proposal. I rejected him because I knew we belonged to different castes and I did not trust people that I had met online. So I deactivated my account on all these forums. I then realized that this guy had hacked my mail. He now started blackmailing me emotionally. I tried avoiding him but things got worse. He started harassing me sexually.

I was getting so distracted by all this that I ended up crying every night.

He would cut his hand with a blade and send pictures of it to me whenever I avoided him. Things went from bad to worse so I finally decided to block him. I stopped going online for almost a year. Things did subside after a year but I knew he was still following me. But I slowly moved on with my life.

I was in grade 11 now. As per our custom, I was to get engaged to my cousin.

He was a nice guy but not really my dream guy. He was completely different from what I had imagined him to be.

But I knew love was blind and it had no boundaries too. We fell for each other even before our parents could finalize our engagement. We hoped that they would confirm things quickly. Things were almost finalized when his family decided to wait for 3 more years.

I don’t know what exactly happened in those 3 years but his family ended up rejecting me for no reason at all.

He too was quite stressed about it. But like other guys, he too said, "Yes, I am going to listen to what my parents say." I cried for nights together. I knew I was addicted to him and I tried my best to get over him.

He was not ready to marry me but he wanted to continue talking with me. This made it all the more difficult for me to break away from him.

It took me quite a while to realize that we were moving apart slowly. I distracted myself by setting up a small business when I was in college. I was tight-lipped about all that had happened in my life so far. I continued speaking to him once in a while but I also started moving on with my life.

I realized that he never really seemed to miss me like I missed him.

I had started working from home when I was in college. It was at this time that I met a customer. He was probably a distant relative of ours and also a friend of my brother.

I trusted him a lot. I still trust him a lot. Slowly we started talking more than business. We moved on to become super close friends. Even today he continues to remain my bestest pal.

I did not even imagine that I would fall for him. But I just couldn’t stop myself. I knew we would never end up being together. But he was the kind of dream guy that I had always wanted.

He was the only person who understood me. He would listen to my crazy night talks and my stupid singing sessions. He would be there for me when I wanted to cry too. He had become my lifeline. He was now my priority.
He too started falling for me. The best part about our relationship was that we knew we loved each other but we were still the bestest of buddies.

When my parents got to know about our relationship, they beat me up so badly that I started bleeding. When they got to know about my past, they hit me all the more. They abused me and cursed me too. I just kept quiet. I tried moving away from this guy. But he had become my lifeline.

I knew I could share all the good and bad things that I experienced only with him. I knew no one else would ever understand me as well as he did. I know that this wife is going to be a very lucky woman. He is just AMAZING.

We had been together for only 7 months when my parents suddenly got me engaged to another cousin of mine. My wedding date was fixed too. He too was a really amazing guy.

But it is not easy to get over a person like my best friend. He was the kind of person I had always wanted to be with. I finally got to meet someone that I really felt happy with and now I had to give it all away. It is really very difficult to do this.

I adore my fiancé but I have already experienced the warmth of sharing my life with my dream guy. I tried talking to my family and my friends. But they were convincing me about getting married to this guy. I just have to listen to my parents. I know this. So now all I can do is to trust God. A few other guys too had harassed me earlier.

But only my best friend had helped me get over them all.

We have a male cook at home. He has literally been chasing me for almost 10 years now. But no one is ready to help me because he had been working in our house for such a long time.

I just wish I had my bestie with me. He was the only one who understood me. I never got what I wanted in my life. I often feel that I will always be a loser. Sometimes I feel so tired when I have to face all this. I just hope things get better. I know I will always have a soft corner for him.

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