I Know He's My Professor But Why Should I Live Without Him?

Anonymous Anonymous in Your Story on 1 July, 2018

He is my chemistry professor. I am 21 years old and he is 43 and married, but I love him like anything else. It all started when I was in the first year of college, I was one of the most popular girls at my college. I was studious and naive, I have hazel eyes and wore big specs. I met him when I was 17, he seemed different - the way he looked, the way he dressed and the way he walked, everything was so perfect. I am an orphan, I lost my parents when I was 9.

My story is more like a Bollywood movie, full of dramas.

My childhood wasn't normal, my father would beat my mum mercilessly and one fine day when I was in school, I was told that my father killed my mother and then himself. God, I was in trauma. This incident left a negative impact on my mind, I used to hate men until I met him. His voice is also amazing. With every passing day, I got more and more attracted towards him. I can't forget the moment I realized that I loved him. He is all I think about 24/7. After my graduation, I went to Pakistan to meet my grandparents. I missed him like hell. Unfortunately, I couldn't apply for MSc after my graduation. I thought that now I would forget him and I tried almost every possible way to divert my mind. I am an introvert, I share my secrets with myself only. There was no one around to whom I could share my feelings. I was fighting with my emotions, trying to make myself understand that he can't be mine, but all in vain.

A year later, I got admission in MSc.

I wanted to pursue Chemistry but I got 70% in graduation so I couldn't get in. So I got into military science. I wait 3 hours every day just to see him. One day I told him that I had a crush on him. He smiled and said that I am childish and he treats me like a kid, that's it. I was happy that at least I had told him about my feelings. The next day I asked for his number and luckily he gave me his number.

I started messaging him, we had normal conversations.

I was happy because now I could see his dp. I am also a sketch artist so I made a sketch of him and made it my WhatsApp dp. I proposed him on WhatsApp 3 days back and the worst thing is that he didn't say a single word after reading it. I saw him in college but he didn't even talk to me. I tried to talk to him but he ignored me. I want him at any cost! I love him truly but why he is behaving like this, I don't know. I can't live without him. I just can't. My friends tried to console me but all in vain. I am feeling suicidal nowadays.

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