Love Relationships Boyfriend Sex

I Know He Loves Me Only For My Body, But Still It's Love

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

I don't know where to start. I am in love with someone whom I know I should not love. He is into multiple relationships throughout and has never committed to one, he is all about live-ins and two/three timings.

One after another, I know everything because he only told me that. He said, he never loves women.

Of course, he doesn’t love me, he doesn’t care about me or my feelings and that is apparent. There are all these instances over the last 19 months, between us. Whenever we talk, occasionally, we are very open and honest with each other. We have a strong connection and liking for each other. He always wants to get physical, kiss, hug, go to a room and have sex. Whenever I am down and feeling low, and I want to have a mature conversation, even then he only says things like he wants to kiss me, hug me etc. I felt irritated. He lies blatantly, he breaks promises and he doesn't value me. I am sure that even if I am dying and asking him to help, he will help me on one condition, if I can have sex with him only then he will save me!

Whatever signs are enough to break any relationship, we have all in abundance. I am married with a loving family and officially, he is single.

I just want to forget him and move on. I love my husband and kid. I still don't know for what reason, even after all his misbehaviour, I am still so much in love with him. I don't want to be physical with him. I have taken a stand. We hugged and kissed each other for the last time, more than a year back. When we last met, I didn't allow him to touch me. He was upset. He confessed that he is aggressive by nature and just a friendly meeting without any physical activity makes him restless. What kind of strange emotion is this? I am knowing everything and still, I am not able to move on. He is always at the back of my mind; his thoughts pass through every moment. I have a very good relationship with my husband and we are a happy couple. Am I psycho or mad? Why do I still love him even though I know he is an asshole? I am professionally in a low phase and need to concentrate to crack interviews. But I can’t distract myself. Just talking to him, I felt good. I am blabbering here. I couldn't forget him so I wanted to continue to have a normal and pure friendship with him, just to talk once in a while.

But he is sticking to the physical part. I am lost, hurt, confused, tired with the inner struggle to let go.

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