I work in the IT sector. I had just moved to a different city. I joined my new office on New Year’s Day. I was in a new place meeting new people and experiencing a new work culture. One of my colleagues first introduced me to him. We shook hands, smiled at each other and started working together from the next day.

On the second day itself, I realized that he respected girls.

We exchanged our numbers and shared the details of our family. We discussed our thoughts about other matters too. Our thoughts, goals, family status, background etc. matched. But we knew we belonged to different castes.

After a few days, I got to know that his girlfriend had broken up with him due to some family issues. I felt I knew him very well now.

He was a great person with a loving and caring nature. He loved his family a lot.

Slowly I realized that I had started liking him too. 3 months later, he shared his loneliness and feelings with me. We started chatting all through the night and discussed our dreams, wishes, work, colleagues etc. One day exactly at midnight he sent me a text message which said, “Will you marry me if your parents agree to get us married?” I just could not believe this was happening to me. That was it. We started dating each other. We were on cloud nine.

I was so happy with my first love, my first date, my first movie with a boy, my first bestie….in fact, I was happy because I too had a boyfriend now. We shared a great rapport with each other. We never fought because we understood each other very well.

We then decided to get married. We didn’t want to continue with a relationship in which we simply went out for movies while hanging out during the weekends.

We started dreaming of settling down abroad after getting married.

We had been together for 10 months now. We had not faced any problems with each other. He trusted me so much that he was willing to leave his parents and come with me in case his parents refused to accept our relationship.

He just wanted to get married to me. I too could not imagine anyone else as my husband except him.

My parents had already started looking out for me. But a lot of family drama started in my house when I told them that I wanted to get married to him. They said, “We don’t know him. How can you trust him? Don't we know his parents? What if something happens to you?”

The fact that we belonged to different castes ruined our lives. My parents too turned out to be like other typical Indian parents. They too started blackmailing me emotionally.

I told him all that was happening in my house. He still trusted me and had a lot of faith in me. His parents willingly accepted me as their future daughter-in-law. Only my parents were creating problems for both of us. One day he suggested that we just get married instead of waiting for my parents to accept our relationship. He felt they would definitely accept us when we got married.

But I could not do this.

As it is all that was going on in our house was depressing me mentally. I could not tolerate all the emotional drama that was going on at home.

I started cursing myself. I thought of killing myself. I wanted to run away to some unknown place. I wondered why I loved him so much.

We had been friends for over a year now. Yet my family was not agreeing to get us married.

So one day I decided to cheat myself.

I told him that it was impossible for us to get married. I ditched him. I cheated him. I killed him with the word called ‘love’. He did his best to convince me. No one else would have done so much for me.

But I ended up doing what all other typical Indian girls do. I sacrificed my love for my parents.

A couple of months later my marriage was fixed with an unknown boy who belonged to an unknown family. Only our caste and our kundlis matched.

My parents are happy. It is okay if I get married to an unknown boy. But it is not okay if I get married to a man whom I love and trust. I am crazy about him. I have known him for one whole year. But they refuse to see any of this.

This is how my first love ended. He called me after a couple of weeks. He said, “My life has gone upside down. I want you back in my life.” I still dream of him. I still can’t get over his memories, his love, his caring nature and his beautiful smile.

I know just one thing. I ditched a man who trusted me like a baby trusts his parents. He thought that I would never cheat him but I did exactly that.

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