indian family unhappy marriage child sexual abuse terminal illness indian woman

I Have A Terminal Illness But What My Family Puts Me Through Kills Me More

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

I was brought up in a family where my parents had a love marriage. I was their first child and they had a son and daughter after me. I was not a shy girl, but I was an insecure child because I was born to parents who fought a lot and were busy in their own lives.

My mom was a woman who never expressed any love towards me and always kept humiliating me in front of others. She even physically handled me.

I had no parents’ love in my life, and rather I was the girl who was abused by a teacher, uncle, one old person and even more pathetic, my own father. But unfortunately, like many girls, I also kept my mouth shut. I wanted to run from home or just die but I did not have sufficient money. Then, in the second phase of my life, I was married at the age of 19 to a person who is 13 years elder to me.

I was not mentally prepared for this. My feelings were not considered. Later, I came to know that my father did this to enjoy his own life.

Although I didn't get any love from my husband, I was in love with his family. He never understood me nor trusted me nor loved me. His behaviour, his attitude towards me was very orthodox and it was killing me from inside. I gave birth to two children who are the biggest blessings in my life. While my kids were growing up, my married life was becoming a bigger disaster day by day. I was physically getting ill. Then I joined a job which in aviation. I was only trying to distract my mind. During this time, I got a friend who was there for me always. He is a person who really cares for me, loves me and respects me and my feelings. We became close friends. We spoke for longer hours, we roamed around together. One day, he said to me how important I was for him. After some years, I came to know that I had a brain disease called "trigeminal neuralgia".

I told my husband and he didn't take it seriously but only three people took a stand for me: my kids and my friend.

After 8 long years, my health had become worse, and he was the only person who didn't sleep many nights to stay up with me. He was the only one who endured my pain and my mood swings. Then I had a surgery done but before that, my parents and my husband asked him to quit my life as only then they will cooperate with my surgery. This killed my faith in humanity, from inside.

How could parents talk like that? I hate them, and I hate my husband. Only my kids, especially my daughter, understood us.

Finally, my surgery was done and I’m alive today. But after this, my family and my friend's wife started blaming me for spoiling his life. No one stood by me and moreover, they were all together in plotting how they could make my life miserable. I wish my friend could be my husband, but I know that destiny is very commanding and it can't be possible.

But really, I want to ask God, “Please tell me if I really do deserve this life full of tears?”

I don't sleep at nights because my tears don't allow me to. I’m trying to be the best mother. But I’m staying with a person who physically abuses me with painful and unpleasant sex. It leaves me in agony. I want to yell at him, “please leave me as I don't want you and I hate you”. My friend knows everything, and he is still always taking a stand for me. I was always there for everyone in their times of need, but they stabbed me in my back.

I want to know for how long I must remain quiet and live with a person like this who is a sadist in every aspect.

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