I HATE MY DAD so much that I want him to suffer and YET I LOVE HIM so much that I can't see him suffer. I am an 18 year old guy pursuing B.Tech. In this world, we all hate someone, whether it is our teachers or our relatives. Only some of us can hate our parents as we live in INDIA.

Parents are considered God here but I hate my parents.

My dad never loved me and even if he did, he never showed it. I belong to an upper middle class family. My dad was the GM in a company. I was a happy person till class 9th, fulfilling my parents' dreams but as time passed, I wanted to live life at my own conditions. I wanted to pursue my dreams but there was a DEVIL in the story and he was 'My Dad'!

I was a studious child; I passed my 10th grade with 92% but instead of praising me, my dad said it meant nothing. “Look at your cousin, he has scored more than you.” I felt cheated and hurt. The worst thing was that mom supported him. From there on, our relationship only went downhill. I stopped studying hard and my grades started suffering. My dad became furious with me and started beating me up.

I rebelled. I opposed his upbringing. Our relationship shattered. I felt lonely and so I became more social.

I started making friends. I indulged myself in other activities. At home the conditions became worse. There were constant fights between my parents. My dad blamed my mom.

Most of the times my dad didn't come home and whenever he was home, I tried to avoid him as much as possible. I slept on the footpath during winters. Whenever he made a scene at home, I drove out of his sight and slept in my car or at my maternal uncle's home. He abused me and mom.

Sometimes I felt like I was an orphan. Whenever he abused me, I hoped he was dead. Yeah, I prayed for his death instead of his long life. He made me an atheist and a monster. I fell into depression; I started smoking marijuana. I started drinking. I started getting into street fights.

Sometimes I reached home badly beaten up by others. Seeing my condition my mom cried so I stopped it. My dad tried to buy me; he said he’ll pay me 8k a month and in return I’ll have to listen to him. I refused.

I wanted to be independent so I asked my dad if I could apply to colleges in Chennai but he refused. I thought of committing suicide. I slashed my wrist but failed. I was tired of this world but life plays with your feelings.

At this time my dad met with an accident in Manali. He suffered a lot and that was when I realized I loved him and can’t let him go.

He didn’t change even after recovering. He taught me a lesson though; he is my dad no matter what. I can't change him but I can change myself. So, I decided to move on in my life. I joined a good engineering institute near my house. After my graduation, I'm planning to do my MBA abroad and settle there.

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