I Found Out That He Is A Weed Supplier And Now I Cannot Decide If I Love Him

Anonymous Anonymous in Your Story on 29 April, 2018

I'm in a relationship for approximately 2.5 years. I'm not so interested in love because I know I’m a short-tempered person but I know my limits. My anger limits me from getting too close to people. But I don't know how and why I fell for him. He is just so cute, especially his eyes and smile. He is a good person and it was going well until I came across his darkest side. He proposed me in August. And I said yes, just because I was desperate to have a love life, a boyfriend-girlfriend equation was missing from my life and I wanted it. For around a year, everything was fine and we seemed to be happy.

He seriously fell for me and I felt the same for him. Our love was growing stronger day by day.

But one day accidentally, he forgot his phone and he had urgent work to do so he opened his Facebook account on my phone and forget to log out. And that evening, my phone notifications were rising but I ignored it. After half an hour, I checked it and what I saw was just shocking. I opened his messages and found out that he supplies weed. He is a weed smoker and a chain smoker. He arranges girls for his friends. There was so much to read but I just turned off my phone and started thinking about all his lies. I’m so much in love with him that I don't want to lose him.

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I confronted him and he started giving me excuses. He emotionally blackmailed saying that he loves me and changed for me. He told me that I should trust him because he never slept with any girl and that I am the only one in his life. But this kind of thing takes a lot of time to get over. Even after this, everything between us has changed. I hate it when he touches me or tries to come closer. We fight a lot. And then finally we broke up. I cried so much at that time. He would message and call me but I'm so confused because I just can’t trust him or his love anymore. He is trying harder each day. His efforts melt my heart. On my birthday, he came to see me. He has changed so much. He proposed me once again, I said yes this time. But I don't feel that I love him or have that level of comfort with him now.

I love him. I still love him but I can't live with secrets and lies. This is not a relationship. This is not love. Love take efforts. I'm trying but I am lost.
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