I Finally Found My Bride, But First I Had To Go Through This Mess

Anonymous Anonymous in Your Story on 23 December, 2017

This story is about my bride hunting experience. I would like to share these experiences with all of you just to let you know about it. Maybe then we can all decide whether we are progressing as a society. I want to showcase a dramatic phenomenon called an ‘arranged marriage.’ I wonder why we call this phenomenon a tradition?

I work as a software engineer in a reputed MNC. I earn a handsome salary which is enough to keep a close-knit family like mine in comfort. I also got an onsite opportunity of going to London for 6- 8 months. This is a prerequisite nowadays if we want to showcase our capabilities as a software engineer.

I was returning from London when I got a message saying that I had to meet a girl the very next day. Let us call her Ms A. So I went to meet her. We met around 3 – 4 times and started talking over the phone as well.

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We both were getting along pretty well. My family members liked her family members.

She then suddenly texted me and said that we could not be together. She said she did not have any particular reason but she feels that it will not work out for us. Later on, I came to know the real reason from their friends.

She did not want to marry a person who wore specs.

Yes, I wore specs at that time. And she left me for this reason. But I really wanted to ask her whether she had done something special to be born without specs.

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Like her, I did not choose to be born with weak eyesight.

But it did hurt my family’s ego a lot. I went in for laser surgery and my eyesight is perfect now. I was not at all ashamed of wearing specs. In fact, I had already decided to go in for this kind of a surgery. But then she was already out of my life.

Then came another girl Ms B. It was a formal meeting. She came to my house with her parents. They asked us to talk to each other. So we went out. I thought she looked a little uncomfortable. I asked her if she was feeling OK.

She said that she was not feeling well. So we ended that meeting immediately and I took her back home. Now there was a different reason for the rejection. It was “The guy was not interested in talking to me.”

I had wanted to help her out because I thought that her health was more important than our meeting. I thought we could always talk later – but my thoughtfulness was not appreciated.

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Then came another girl, Ms C. She too came through her family friend. She knew my financial condition very well. We started meeting each other. After meeting 2 – 3 times, we got another rejection.

It was “The guy does not own a house!”

I wanted to ask her something. Her salary was 30% of my salary and she had six years of experience. In fact, she was as experienced as me in the IT sector. But did she own a house?

I then met Ms D. She was a family friend who knew me very well. She knew that I ate non-vegetarian food. But she chose to travel 570kms to meet me. When we met, she asked me if I ate non-vegetarian food. I said, "Yes." She asked me if I would give up eating non-vegetarian food after getting married. I said, "No." She then said that even if I had agreed to get married to her she would not have agreed to get married to me. Then what was the point of coming to meet me? 

My point was this: If she was asking me to give up eating non-vegetarian food before getting married, then maybe after getting married she will ask me to give up living with my parents too!

This was the most amazing reason of all. Ms E was a lecturer in an engineering college.  She was very well educated and after we met we decided to get married. We got engaged. After the engagement, things changed suddenly.

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Her parents would call me and abuse me if I did not give their daughter any gift. She would cry in front of them about this. Imagine a lecturer crying for a gift! She had no self-confidence.

She had come to my city because she was looking out for a job. I drove her around the city and took her to every single college in the city. We travelled 140 km in 2 days.

But she ended our engagement because I couldn’t be there with her at the bus stop when she was returning to her city.

Now that became a topic of conversation for their family. Everyone started calling me. They asked me why I had not gone to see her off. They said that it was a custom that all of us followed.

I was working in my office. I was on an important call. More importantly, at the very least, I expected my partner to roam around the city by herself because I could not be there for her all the time. I expected my partner to be a person who would share my responsibilities and support me – not add extra responsibilities on my head. But I went to her hometown only to find out that her parents had cancelled our marriage. 

I still went there so that I could sort out things – but it didn’t work.
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These are the experiences that I wanted to share with all of you. I want all the girls to really think about these points. Were all those reasons valid? Are we moving in the right direction? I am quite aware of the fact that if we are given a chance to select our partners like this in an arranged marriage set up, we will all make our own choices. I respect every decision that each of those girls made. I do not mean to offend anyone. But still – I think it is time we thought about such things.

I am married now. Yes, it is an arranged marriage. She is a very lovely and beautiful woman. She is my lady and we share our responsibilities equally. It feels amazing to be together.

Author's Note:

Thanks, guys - for listening to me. Suggestions are most welcome. Yes, I will welcome criticism too.

Editor's Note:

Arranged marriages usually focus on compatibility. Things like family background, financial status and education mould a person’s value system and thinking. Such ‘meetings’ are arranged to check out if the boy and the girl are compatible. Rejection, therefore, may actually mean that there is a mismatch in priorities and perspectives. Do share this candid story because arranged marriages can be as beautiful as love marriages when both partners are in sync with each other.