I Fell For My Childhood Best Friend And She Was Busy Chasing The Wrong Guy Instead

Anonymous Anonymous in Your Story on 16 February, 2018

It all started when I was 15. I began to have feelings for my best friend. I have known her since I was about 6 or 7 years old. Somehow, we became good friends. But everything started going downhill when I began to have feelings for her.

When I was in class 10, it suddenly felt like she had everything I wanted in my soulmate. I was smitten to the core. But I chose to hide everything from her.

I wanted to get over with my high school first, before doing anything about my feelings. After my class 12 board exams ended, I broke the news to her via WhatsApp. Her reaction confused me, but I was filled with optimism. In the meantime, our college admission processes began. I was obsessed with her, to say the least. Now when I look back, it seems stupid. My World revolved around her.

Then, I found out that she had a boyfriend. He was someone whom she'd met online, and still hadn't met in person. I was stumped.

How could she love someone whom she'd met online? How could she not be in love with me even though I am the one who had been with her for years? I was hurt. I didn't want to talk to her. Although I had feelings for her, it felt like a betrayal because we happened to be best friends, and best friends don't keep secrets from each other. But I didn't want my career to get affected by this.

We both got in to the same college initially, but later, I moved on to another college which has better facilities, by choice of course.

Maybe if I'd been a bit more relationship-centric, I would've realized that this was a dangerous move and it would eventually ruin my peace of mind. I could've taken admission in the same college as hers. Everything would have been nice and sunny, at least wherever the relationship was concerned.

Then began the period where I started stalking her boyfriend. In due course of time, I got to know everything about him. He happened to be a big flirt. A playboy of sorts.

So, I warned my best friend that this guy wasn't any good and that she would be better off without him. She asked me not to poke my nose into other people’s affairs. The estrangement had begun. I was heartbroken. My college started. We were still in contact, but things had become sour and awkward between us. Our long conversations had turned to monosyllabic ones.

But I was still keeping a close eye on her relationship. And it seemed to be on the edge.

One day, she told me that she had broken up with him because she found out that she had been cheated on. The rational me should have consoled her and told her that it was okay and that he was the bad guy after all. But I chose to mock her. I reminded her that I'd told her long back to back off from him. She obviously didn't take this well. She blocked me. For some time after that, I was still gloating. But later, I started missing her.

The same old obsession with her was back. My head told me to back off from whatever this was, but I ignored it and ploughed on.

My other problem was trust. I'd lost all my trust in her when I found out about her relationship. But still, for some reason, I didn't leave her. My heart was waging a battle with my wits. A battle which my wits were slowly winning and making me slide into depression. By now, I had an intuition that she was never going to be mine. I gradually decreased contact with her.

But still, I missed her. I was finding it difficult to move on from the fact that she was never going to be mine. Sometimes I would have this dull pain in my chest.

I would cry myself to sleep and wake up with puffy eyes in the morning. My friends thought I was ill. All this time, she never told me the reason why she rejected me. One day, I asked her this question. I asked her why she'd chosen to break my heart.

She replied that she had never felt anything for me, or any kind of romantic attraction at least. She still considered me her best friend, though I doubted that.

All this took one year. One year of college life was drowned in thoughts and feelings which were mere illusions. I started keeping myself busy to stop thinking about her. I didn't text her at all. Then one day, I met this girl in my college. She was awesome. We clicked right from the beginning.

Within a month, we became good friends. And to my pleasant surprise, I started having feelings for her too.

One day she told me about her breakup which had happened a month before, around the time when we'd met. I was devastated. I still am. But this time, I'm cautious. I don't want to get too attached to her or else I may end up destroying my entire life. Well, that's my story.

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