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I Enjoyed Those Sexy Phone Conversations Until I Really Fell In Love

( words)
*For representational purpose only.
I love talking to various guys on the phone. I like my conversations to be intimate, cheeky, sweet and even sexy. It was, well, a hobby; to put it simply. I never initiated these conversations, I just made myself available to the “right” guys. I picked the ones who genuinely wanted to share moments of their lives with me. But of course, the cheekiness would always be there.

I’ve had my fair share of phone conversations, but one of my most memorable guys was called Rocky.

At first, he seemed to be this cocky, immature guy, and I instantly detested him. I had a feeling our phone conversations would fizzle out. But I was pleasantly disappointed. Days became weeks, and soon that became months; I was hooked.

He was going to college, trying to start his own business. He had his own set of wheels, he had sisters and his parents at home. Being the only son, he was the breadwinner. We talked for hours and hours and began sharing a lot of our lives with each other. One this is, I was lying. I don’t know if he sensed this, but he wanted to meet me.

I was nervous about this as I enjoyed keeping them our conversations limited to phone hours and not any face time.

I knew that once we began meeting, things would be messy. But I simply couldn’t resist Rocky. He was a genuine guy, down to earth and charming, no doubt. I began caring for him too. So, I said yes. We decided a time and place and when I saw him, I realized just how breathtakingly handsome this guy was. I knew I wouldn’t be his type. I wanted to run away but something made me hold my ground.

Once again, he surprised me. And he was there, talking to me. I waited, wondering if I would soon be pushed into the friend/sister zone but he didn’t.

I realized that I was falling for him. There was something about him that I was falling in love with. It could have just been his sexy voice, but soon I realized that I was paying more attention to his words and not just the voice. We would talk for hours and hours, if one of us ever needed a break, we would stay on the line but the other would hold on and not hang up.

He shared details about his life with me, including stories about his sisters and the responsibilities that he had upon him now, including his own ambitions and dreams.

One day, he insisted that he wanted to meet my mother. I was nervous, worried about how this could end up. But I honoured his request and he came over. He came home, with a friend of his. He asked me to wait in the kitchen, he told me that he wanted to speak to my mother alone. I agreed and went inside.

After a while, he came inside and spoke to me, he seemed nervous but he didn’t say anything about my family. His visit was a short one and I thought maybe our conversations would come to an end soon but he was genuinely interested in talking to me.

We continued our chats and he began talking about a girl that he liked, a lot. He would tell me that he was unsure of how to tell her. When he told me all of this, I had an inkling that he was talking about me. I laughed.

He asked me not to, said it was a serious matter but he just didn’t understand how to handle the matter now. When he said this, I felt that he was talking about me. I didn’t know what to say. He then asked me what I thought about him, he asked me how I thought he should handle that conversation.

When I told him I think he should express himself, he listened intently, but he shared nothing more when it came to the identity of this girl. I pressed to find out more and then asked him if I was going to be invited for this wedding or not. His reply, that I would definitely be invited since I’m the ‘special guest’. What does that mean?!

I asked him again, but once more, no straight answers. Whenever he spoke to me, his voice was always serious and his tone… just different.

A couple of days passed in this manner, until one day, he called and asked me if I was ready for some good news. I dreaded this, but somewhere was also ready for it. He told me that he had just broken up with his girlfriend! I was flabbergasted.

My brain froze. I forced myself to stay calm and just listen to him. I had stopped breathing. He told me this: He had been dating someone for two years now and he had just given back all of the gifts she had given him.

My head was spinning. He told me that he didn’t want to hurt me but thought that I should know about this. He had to come clean to me. He asked if I was okay. I was crying, but all I could say was yes. I bit my tongue. He continued that he felt bad, not telling me anything; never once mentioning a girlfriend. I wondered how he maintained anything with her, considering he spent all his time talking to me on the phone.

He said she went to his college, I guess that made more sense now: she was there for him in the day, and at night, it was me.

I couldn’t believe that this was someone who would fall asleep while talking to me, snoring softly on the other end at 3 am; someone who would never let a day pass without a conversation between us, be able to do this? He travelled 120 miles on two separate occasions, just to meet me. He seemed so genuine. How? How could he do this? I only blamed myself.

That I should’ve made it clear that I was falling for him. That he had become a part of my heart, my life. So of course, ultimately, it was my fault. After this conversation, I cut him off.

He left numerous voice messages, text messages…. Begging me to talk to him. To listen to him and give him one chance. At first, I kept cutting his calls, but after a point, I simply let them ring till he stopped. And one day, the calls stopped. Surprisingly, this broke my heart even more. I let it for two weeks. But then I needed closure.

He told me that he began drinking because of me; that he had become a different person. I was scared and all I could do was hang up. We didn’t call each other for almost 2-3 weeks.

And when he called me, he told me that he felt it best if we didn’t speak at all. He said this with an honesty in his voice that I had never heard before.

I told him that we could be friends, cut out the other parts of our talks, but he couldn’t agree to this. He told me that when he spoke to me, he felt something for me and he wouldn’t be able to ignore his feelings for me. I tried telling him that this felt a little too extreme, to end things this way between us, but he wouldn’t listen to a word that I had to say. I cried for a long time, on the call and hours after he hung up. He had made his choice and now I had to live with it.

One day, he called me out of the blue. I couldn’t believe my eyes. He asked me how I was. He sounded like his usual chirpy self. I had some hope in my heart. He began calling me once every three to four weeks. I felt that something inside of him had changed. It became clear to me that he wouldn’t want anything more than friendship from me, and so gradually, I moved on. His calls became infrequent and six months later, I informed him that I had begun dating someone and had the intentions of marrying this man. He was stunned. He wanted to know everything and even refused to hang up.

I felt like he wanted to say something to me but couldn’t find the right words to do it. The only he could say was “why couldn’t I wait?” I asked him what it is that I should wait for, with the hopes that he would confess his feelings but it never happened.

He continued to beat around the bush and this broke my heart. He only said, “Don’t you get it?!”

I screamed no! Because I really didn’t understand what he was saying and why he wasn’t being open with me, after all this time.

He ruined a future that would have been good for us, only because he was too scared to open up to me or tell me the truth. I couldn’t risk falling for him and stopped talking to him entirely. No girl likes to be kept in the dark, especially by the man they love.

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