Relationships heartbreak indian woman Marriage Love

I Don’t Love My Husband And Can’t Marry The Man I Love

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

I had an arranged marriage and the fact is that I was only 24, when I was forced to marry this guy under several episodes of emotional blackmailing & pressure from my parents. I love my parents, they provided me with a good education and only because of them I have a successful career today.

I don't blame them for anything but, my marriage.

They didn’t do the right thing for me. It is my life and they must have understood that I should like the guy as well. I cried for days and nights and opposed to this wedding. But nothing worked. All my dreams about marriage shattered when I was forced to marry against my wish.

After my wedding, I was trying to adjust and be happy. Till date, I regret that decision. I didn’t have a strong bonding with him, even we didn't have any similarities be it our profession or our nature and lifestyle. He is a simple and decent guy and he expects lots of love from his wife.

I sometimes feel he must have married someone else of his kind for a better life and I feel we are wrong choices for each other but ended this way because of family decisions.

Few months after our wedding we had to relocate and what started was a long distance relationship. In the meanwhile, I met my old friend and crush at my workplace. I was very excited to meet him again. We started interacting a lot and became good friends. One day he spilt the beans that he used to like me a lot. I became sad because I also liked him and was weaving dreams of marriage but we never expressed our feelings earlier. And now it's so late as I'm already married and I ignored the matter with a regret.

We used to meet every day and had a conversation over the phone to discuss our routine and both were a good guide for each other. We used to seek suggestions for personal, technical and work related issues. We got busy in our own world. One day while we were out, he tried to kiss me and I stopped him. I got confused and could not sleep. I contemplated that I didn’t like my husband but my friend and I are already married now, what should I do. However, I continued meeting my friend and slowly we became physically intimate.

We tried to avoid, but couldn't.

We developed strong emotional bonding for each other.I cared for him a lot, each and every minute I used to worry about his well-being, gave him suggestions, scolded him, cried for him and took care of him like a baby.

I also expressed my feelings of having a house and cute babies with him and used to cry at the thought of our current situation. We were living like husband and wife in our own imaginary world.It's been five years now.Every day we discuss our future, feel tensed and unaware of what impends.

 My parents are quite worried about my marriage life and want to avoid various brow raising questions from the society and only wants my marriage to be successful.Till date, I don’t have guts to say them that I love someone else.The only thing I am afraid of is my parents’ situation once I tell them, they will be shattered. This is stopping me from revealing and making me keep my secrets within.I am also afraid to face my husband now, I have cheated on him and feel sorry about that.

I wish I could explain him and the society about my situation when I was married and how things happened eventually.I want to leave him to begin new and at least stay happy but my parent's sorrow is stopping me now.

On the other hand, my friend's family is searching for him a bride and forcing him to marry her at every cost. He has become totally helpless. He tried to convey his parents about me(but not as a married woman) but yet was in vain.

We discuss you daily and we are neither able to end our relationship nor stay with someone else.

Nowadays, he tells me, let's stay as friends as it is very difficult to live together in this society. We are afraid to face the weird reactions of the society and most importantly it’s our parents we are concerned more. His parents will be shattered as well if he marries a divorcee. He also feels bad for what he has done to me and regrets ruining our life.

 Now,  neither I can explain this situation to my parents nor my husband. Because once I tell them, no one will support me. On the other side, my friend is not ready to accept me due to societal issues and I cannot live without him now. I am totally addicted to him.

My parents are looking forward to see me happy in my marriage life and have a baby sooner. As per my current situation, I can't stay with my husband as I can’t feel a bond with him. I have loved my friend so much that I can't love anyone else. I have totally lost interest in life.

I have a successful career, I earn lots of money but I’m not happy in life. I have no interest in life.

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