I had finished college and started working at an organisation. I was quite happy with this new, independent life. But my parents wanted me to get married. I wasn’t ready for it, so I fought with them and they budged by giving me a year to do as I pleased.
That was the last happy year of my life. After a year of working, I married a guy my parents chose for me. I didn’t know what I was getting into.
For me, marriage meant buying new clothes, new jewellery, new footwear and stepping into a new life in them. It all felt good, initially, but I couldn’t even imagine how bad my married life would soon turn out to be. Though I had little expectation from my partner, my husband failed to meet even the few I had. I still accepted life as it was and moved on, hoping things would get better. But they didn’t.
I felt suffocated in my marriage. If marrying my husband was a mistake, then having a child with him, was an even bigger one. But, my child changed my life.
Every time I felt that my life had no meaning, no purpose, it was she who came to wipe my tears and asked me to live for her. But my husband didn’t like his own child for she was a girl. I lived with my husband and his parents only for the sake of my daughter, but they made my life a living hell.
Then one day I realised that things were never going to change, that my husband and his family would never concern themselves with my daughter’s future, and that’s when I decided to quit my marriage. After running around to police stations and government officials, I finally separated from him. I started working again and living in a hostel. My daughter, who was only one and a half years old then, used to stay with my mother and I used to miss her terribly.
This period of my life was extremely stressful. I felt like I didn’t deserve to be anyone’s wife, like I had no one in this world whom I could share my sorrows with. I tried to distract myself with work and the few happy moments I had, were at work, with the friends I made in office.
Then, I met someone at my work place who changed my life completely. I could easily share everything that I had been through with him, without feeling uncomfortable. I slowly started loving him, but I didn’t want to accept it, because I feared what the society might say. But, he was very clear. He wanted me and was least concerned about anyone else. He wanted to keep me and my daughter, safely with him, forever.
It was time for me to make a decision again, and this time I did not listen to my parents for I felt that it was their advice, their decisions that had made me suffer so much. I am grateful to my friends, with whom I could share all my troubles. I told them about the things that I felt were missing in my life. I told them how I felt lonely and how much it hurt me to see other couples together, knowing that I may never get another chance at love.
I was in love with someone, finally, but I did not want my decision to affect my daughter’s life and future. So I decided that I would marry him, if both our parents supported our union and agreed to our match.
It’s been two years since then. He is still trying to convince his mother and every day, I am just hoping that she will come around. I hope to God that my life changes. I hope that we marry each other and live a normal life, like other people.