I was in a relationship with a Christian girl for two and a half years.
We loved each other too much for anything to break us apart. Or at least, that's what I thought.
Her parents never approved of me because of religious reasons. She’d told me several times that it would be hard for us, but that didn’t stop us from loving each other. Then, I got selected to a college that was out of town and had to move to another city.
We had our lives planned from that day until our deaths; so living apart wasn't very hard on us.
We slowly got used to it. We were happier than ever. However, long distance does take its toll. I noticed that she was getting close to one of her neighbours. She started flirting with him and got way too comfortable.
One day, she told me how sorry she was and showed me her entire conversation with her neighbour. The whole thing was too flirtatious and beyond a point, I just couldn't read it. I cried for an entire night. I couldn't talk to her for five days.
But I loved her too much, so I forgave her and she promised that something like that would never happen again.
Suddenly, out of the blue, her mom told me that we need to break up for her to have a normal relationship with her daughter. She forcefully broke us apart. This too didn't stop us from being with each other. However, she soon started getting close to another guy in her college. She even told me about their intimate moments; how he'd hug her and take care of her.
I tried convincing myself that it was just platonic and that she really loved me.
And then came the shocker. She told me how they kissed in the elevator. She described every detail of that day! Something inside me shattered. I had panic attacks and couldn't stop crying for even a second. I didn't go out of my room for days. I couldn't believe she would do something like that to me.
She said she didn't feel anything and that she wouldn't do it again.
I don't know why I was so naive but I believed her. But this went on and on until one day, they got physical.
By then, I was so broken I didn't feel a thing.
A group of dogs killed a kitten in front of my eyes and I didn't feel a thing. I was dead inside. I am dead inside.
I have gone to two different counsellors and a psychiatrist. But my depression has not improved one bit.
The only way to cure myself is if she comes to me and apologizes from her heart.
I have no idea what to do in life right now. I was an outstanding student and now, I am just average. I can't concentrate on anything in life.
I don't know where I am or where I am headed!