I Didn't Know Anything About Love, Until I Met The Other Guy

Anonymous Anonymous in Your Story on 22 February, 2018


I'm Shree, I come from a middle-class family, where my parents would not let me take any decision on my own, in any aspect. I didn't finish my studies according to what I liked. When I was young, my dad used to have affairs and beat my mom, which made me shout at him. He stopped talking to me and added to that my brother was also a person of a different attitude.

This all made me crave for love from others.

I accepted the proposal of a classmate, who said that he was deeply in love with me so that I could have someone who loves me, contrary to the situation at home. At that time, I hadn't realized that 'LOVE' is something that two hearts should agree with and never showed the amount of love he was showing. Sometimes, when I tried to come out of this relationship, he would call and abuse me for what I had done. As he was going through a rough time, I would go back to him after thinking of what would happen to him if I left, as he considered me to be his whole world.

I completely 'tried' to love him.

Thinking that if he loves me, I can compromise on anything. That's the biggest mistake I had ever done in my life.I continued this for many years and it became a story that repeated itself, where even though I told him this won't work, he'd make me remain with him again and again.
I never gifted him anything as I never felt so, didn't talk to him properly and felt that it was the end of our relationship, whenever a fit arose between us, but he never gave up.

As I was going through all of this, I felt that if I didn't tell anything regarding this matter to one of my parents, I'd be continuing this seemingly endless cycle of break up and patch up. So, I thought of telling my mother and it led me to create my own problems, where I was contemplating whether I deserve this love.
my mother, who had gone through so many trials in her marriage was convinced of the same and didn't say anything. One day, I realized that if we want to help others, we can give everything, but if we want to give ourselves up, we should think for a moment.

I started thinking whether I actually loved him.

I used to get close to him again, only when I felt alone for myself, which I now realize I could have got the same companionship, from my best friend too. I told him without any apprehension that this relationship doesn't work and remained firm with my decision, though he pleaded for me to stay.
I knew that I was not the one who deserves his unconditional love,
as I never felt the need for it, other than the times when I felt alone or emotionally weak. I tried to explain this to my mother, but didn't know what she might have thought.I just wanted to go ahead with a love marriage, due to the instances I went through in my life.When I moved on, I found a guy from Kerala, who proposed to me and I agreed.

With him, I came to know what real love means.

I began to feel a passion that I had never felt before, I started expressing my love without him expecting it. Forgiving his faults has my habit, compromising on the things on many things with him is fine with me and I do not regret the decision I made. I am really happy with the person I am with now and I'm strong enough to face anything.

Now I know the difference between how I loved then and now.

I didn't feel bad about what I did before because that is what made me learn what actually LOVE is. I hope that my ex-boyfriend can find someone who truly loves him, as I would not have compromised my happiness by marrying him. I found that failures are the stepping stones for success, not just for studies, but also for the things related to our life.

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