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I Confused Our Love For Friendship And Now I Can't Wait To Tell Him 'I Love You'

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

My name is Aisha. I want to tell you a story, which occupies a beautiful place in my heart and mind. Thinking of him makes my soul and heart smile; it gives me courage.

Being loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage.

His name was Arjun. He was my best friend Piya’s childhood classmate and she happened to meet him again when we were in engineering. He was a badminton player in our college and always spent his time playing sports and helping in sports events. He loved his game more than anything else.

Whenever our paths crossed, we’d just say ‘hi’ or ‘bye’ to each other.

At that time, I’d never imagined that this person, whom I barely spoke to, would occupy the most memorable and loving place in my heart.

Days went by and we exchanged numbers. Talking to him didn’t feel special at first. Though he was my best friend's classmate, he was just a stranger to me. We'd casually meet after class along with Piya.

One day, I found Arjun crying. He was trying to hide his tears and avoid eye contact with anyone.

It felt strange because he was a cheerful person. Seeing him crying made me feel sad.

Piya and I tried asking him if something was wrong. But he didn't say a word. Later, he just said that nothing had happened. But I knew that something was not right. Ultimately, he told us that he remembered a bad memory from his past, which depressed him. I was shocked to see him in that situation because I hadn’t expected this from him.

I made him understand that he couldn’t get depressed and forget his life goals.

This motivated him and he cheered up. After this incident, he started giving me importance in his life. He cared for me and treated me sensitively. He also spent a lot of time talking to me.

He would always send me heart emoticons, which I thought was very normal as everybody uses emoticons casually.

He realized that I wasn't able to understand his feelings for me. I was clueless about the beautiful feeling of "love" between us. Then he said those precious words to me, "Te Amo". I didn’t know what it meant and when I Googled it, I was surprised to know that it meant, "I love you". I was confused.

I had never been in any relationship nor did I want to be in one till I had settled in life and accomplished my dreams. I frankly told him how I felt.

Arjun was different from other people. His behavior was unique and people could never understand him in the first meeting. But once they understood him, no one would want to leave him ever. I finally started understanding his feelings for me. At first, I didn’t feel anything but as time passed we came closer.

We started spending more time together. We would talk daily on chat and sometimes on the phone. We had fun, spoke about random things and shared dirty jokes and laughed till we cried. He had made a special place in my heart. I couldn’t bear the thought of something happening to him.

Being loved by him made me feel happy. His eyes made me feel special. He looked at me with love and a desire to make me his partner.

I didn’t know whether his love would last forever but my box of memories was filled with moments with him.

Sometimes, we’d have serious quarrels and not speak to each other for a day or two. But he would always come back and we would behave like nothing ever happened. If I didn’t speak at first, he would come and indirectly scold my best friend. This always made me smile.

One time, he forgot to wish me on my birthday and I was very hurt.

I was heartbroken because I felt that I’d expected too much from him.

For the next few days, I didn't look at him or speak to him. If I saw him in college, I would hide from him. However, after a few days, things became normal again. We started talking and creating more beautiful memories. He always shared his feelings for me randomly in between important discussions. This sweet gesture made me feel special and drew me closer to him.

But I was unable to reciprocate his feelings and it made me feel miserable.

However, he understood my situation and promised to wait for me till I'd settled. I realized that it was not fair to keep him waiting for my response. So, I told him that we should just be friends.

Though he accepted every word I said, he was broken from within. But he never stopped loving me.

About three months later, an incident occurred. I’d never expected that I would have to listen to such heartbreaking and unbearable news. It was like an ugly nightmare, which no one should have to experience.

He met with a major accident. He was traveling to his village by car with his family. We were texting till 12:30 a.m. Then I started feeling drowsy and told him to sleep as well. Minutes later, his car met with an accident. The driver tried to avoid hitting a dog and the car crashed into the divider and toppled twice. I couldn't stop crying that night.

He fractured his right hand, which meant that he could not play badminton for a while.

Everyone told him not to worry but I knew that no one could understand his pain.

After that dreadful incident, he became extremely depressed about his life and goals. It’s been 20 days and he is still the same.

I keep smiling in front of him but internally, I am shattered.

I wish I could take him somewhere where he could forget that nightmare and become normal. Sometimes, I see him sitting alone in the sports campus and staring at the badminton court where he played every day. He hasn’t been able to forget the incident. It makes him feel lonely and he has started hating his life.

All I want to do is stay by his side, hold his hands and tell him, “I am here for you.”

He is going through hell and I cannot see his pain. I can’t help noticing the fake smile on his face. Even his texts are filled with pain. I just want him to go back to his life, which is badminton.

Earlier, he always said that after fulfilling his badminton goals, he’d accompany me to New York and we will pursue our Masters together. I trust him and I hope that we enjoy our New York diaries together.

I don’t even know his future plans or how many years we will spend together. But the one thing I am sure about is that he will never leave my side. His eyes express his true feelings and his actions express his love.

Now, I feel that I always loved him but confused it with friendship.

I just want him to know that I don't want to lose him at any cost. He is my happiness. I can't express how glad and lucky I am to have Arjun in my life. His happiness is my soul candy while his sadness is the door to hell, which I don’t want him or me to ever see.

Meeting him and experiencing his love has made me believe in magic.

'Forever' is a long time but I want to spend each second and day of the calendar with Arjun. I hope that we’ll always be together. I was not willing to accept my true feelings because of our career and future. But I don't want to leave him; I dream of spending my whole life with him.

I know we will fulfill our dreams and then decide our future with each other. And we’ll surely make each day more beautiful than the previous one.

It is going to take 2 more months for Arjun’s hand to become normal. As soon as that happens, I am going to tell him that I love him and I’ll never leave him. I hope that he gets well soon and we can start a fresh and memorable adventure.


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