Indian Society religion Love

I Chose To Love Him Even Though I Knew We Had No Future Together- Now I Am Miserable

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

One day, when I was 19, I was standing in my college corridor, holding my ID in my hand when I realized a boy was staring at it. I quickly kept it inside but by then it was too late; he had already read my name.

I was so mad at him then.

He sent me a Facebook friend request that day. We started chatting, he confessed he has a crush on me and for the first time in my life, I felt butterflies in my stomach.

He somehow managed to get my number from one of my friends; and from Facebook chats, it moved to WhatsApp messages, to phone calls, and then to late night phone calls.

Then one day he proposed to me. I felt butterflies all over again. But here was the problem: I am a Muslim, and he wasn’t. I couldn’t have said yes. I said no. I broke his heart.

He asked me to block him so that he could forget me. I did block him but with tears in my eyes. I did not even know I was in love with him so much. I couldn’t take the distance for even two days and unblocked him. We went back to talking all night.

He wanted to meet me but I knew that meeting him would mean falling more in love, and I couldn’t do that. I kept making excuses until one day, I gave in. I met him and it was amazing. I was shivering because I knew he was the best guy for me. He got me chocolates and also fed it to me. After meeting him for a few more times, I couldn’t help but confess I loved him.

That night, I messaged him, “I love you”.

I still remember the happiness that followed for a few days after and then as expected, religion came in the picture. I started stressing and worrying all the time, and since he saw me like that, he told me to leave him for my own good. He couldn’t see me sad. He blocked me on WhatsApp and stopped receiving my calls. I was so broken, I begged him to come back to me. He came back to me and gave me more love than I could ever imagine.

We planned our future; he wanted to abroad to study, settle there and then, I was going to join him. We would tell our parents only later. We were stupid enough to think this would work.

All his friends taunted him for being with a Muslim girl and doing “time pass” but his love for me was pure. We struggled with our future, but everything was beautiful in the present.

Then came the time to act on our future plans; he wrote his GRE exams but missed it by 3-4 marks thrice. Our college days were over, and on the last day of college his mother found out about us.

She blamed me for everything; him not getting a job, not getting a good score and even not getting through a good college. He lost all hope and started neglecting me. When he got into a university, his mother refused to send him saying there is no point wasting so much money. He begged his parents to send him and promised he’ll never talk to me and only concentrate on his studies.

And then he left. Today, I am depressed and alone. I don’t know what to with myself when I think about him. We both have to stay away because of our parents. They have given us so much, how can we hurt them? I tried texting him one day and he replied saying, “Don’t text me, it will only cause you pain.”

I suffer everyday. The word “religion” breaks my heart. I know he loves me and I somehow feel we will end up together, but I am losing hope.

I just want to say one thing to him- I still love you baby, and I pray everyday we end up together somehow.

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