I Can't Go Against My Family But How Do I Marry A Person I Barely Know?

Anonymous Anonymous in Your Story on 22 December, 2017

Life keeps throwing stones at me, and each time they get bigger and bigger.

The last time I was happy was in December 2016 when I got placed after my post graduation. That New Years Eve was the best of my life but 2017 turned out to be the worst year.

After my graduation day, I told my parents about my 6-year-long relationship. This is what happened when I told them

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We had decided that come what may, we would fight for each other.

I moved to a different city for my work. I was happy to move away from my parents because it would give me some peace in life and also give them time to think about my relationship.

I didn’t go home for 2 months and rarely spoke to my family to make them understand my pain.

But we got an unexpected shock when my dad was diagnosed with a dreadful disease. I couldn't hold it together any longer and broke down. He was the one who helped me complete my post graduation.

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He was the one who supported me when my mom wanted me to get married at the age of 21.

Everything in the family was shattered and everyone was depressed. It took us a long time to accept this news. When we were in a state to accept things, the topic of my marriage started again. They wanted me to get married at the earliest.

I was in a helpless situation; fight for the next 50 years of my life or take care of my 60-year-old dad who did everything to make my life better?

I had to choose between the 25 years of bonding with my dad or my 6-year-long relationship, which could give me a better future. I was so confused! I cried and cried.

But my boyfriend was very supportive. He was always by my side and told me to make my dad happy, as accepting our relationship would take years for both the families. He didn’t want me to give my dad any more pain.

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He took care of my emotional trauma, be it my dad's health condition or moving on from the relationship. How could I ever move on from such an amazing person!

Though I never understood the concept of arranged marriage, I said yes to my family.

I agreed to meet prospective alliances even though I was worried and scared. The only thing I was concerned about was my dad and his health. I travelled every week to be with my dad and make him happy.

My family started looking for alliances. I was dead inside; I couldn't move on from my boyfriend yet I had to meet other guys because of the situation I was in.

I was confused about how to judge a person in the 5-minute talk that we have in a formal marriage alliance.

I met people who claimed that I was the best girl after the barely 2-minute conversation we had. I met people who gave me a set of rules, which I had to follow after marriage.

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I met people who scanned me from top to bottom when I entered the room.

I even met people who said that they hate talking to people. When I said 'no' to the guys after meeting them, my mom and I ended up having a huge fight. She even abused me.

I tried to make my family understand that those guys had a different mentality and I couldn’t stay with them even for a single day. But they didn't understand me.

They just wanted me to get married because of societal pressure.

I cried every day. I couldn’t go against my family nor could I go and marry a random person and keep adjusting all my life. I hadn’t even moved on from my relationship yet! With so much in my head, I had to do my office work too.

I’d work, come back and cry myself to sleep; that had become my routine.
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My boyfriend and friends were very supportive but no one could heal my pain. Then I thought I met the right guy.

Like every weekend, I went home and like every other weekend, I had a surprise marriage alliance. I was totally fed up with this. But surprisingly, I found this guy to be interesting.

He seemed to be someone who was like me. His family and he also said a 'yes' for me. Later, I pinged him saying that I needed some time to understand him.

I asked him if we could be friends first and understand each other, as this was a lifetime decision.

He agreed. We started talking and discovered that we had several things in common. We also accepted each other’s past. My life was getting back to normal but I still felt a deep pain for my boyfriend.

I gave 200% to be my best with this guy and not compare things with my earlier relationship.

Meanwhile, my boyfriend and I were helping each other to move on. We stayed good friends and never crossed our limits even while talking to each other.

I was loyal and faithful to the guy I met through the marriage alliance. I relied on his support to cross the hurdles in my life. I knew that I couldn’t handle any more bad news in life.

Slowly, I started getting stable. I was becoming a normal human from a depressed soul. But as time went by, this guy started acting weird.

He was dominating, immature (like a 15-year-old teen) and began asked me for physical benefits, which I denied.

We had a few misunderstandings but I tried my best to make things better. Though we were equally responsible for it, I took a step forward to make him feel better because I could not deal with another heartbreak.

There is no relationship where there is no misunderstanding. It'll how well you understand each other after the misunderstanding.

But life has never wanted me to be happy.

This guy had a habit of sharing every minute detail of his life with his sister who in turn told their mom. Though the misunderstandings were minute, his mother made a big fuss about it and he wasn't able to convince her.

He called me crying and said that his parents have asked him to choose between them and me!

He requested me to speak to his sister and make her understand that we liked each other. I felt clueless and was once again surrounded by a whole new drama.

Some nights, he'd call and say that he was okay to leave his parents to be with me but other nights he'd say that he didn’t have any feelings for me.

I was confused and shattered by his words. I didn’t know what to believe. Did he love me or not? I couldn’t get a proper answer.

I thought of speaking to his mom if he wanted me to. I called her up but she started pointing fingers at my character even though I was not at fault. I was deeply shocked by her words.

She wasn't ready to listen to anything I had to say. She kept going on and on. Ultimately, when I asked her the right question, she hung up.

I told the guy exactly what his mother said to me. But his mother pretended that she had never said any of those things and I was manipulating him.

This guy refused to believe me as he was his mother’s puppet and danced to her orders.

I told my parents everything that was happening and both the families refused to go ahead with the marriage. He never got back to me after that.

I just want to tell his mother, “Before judging someone else’s character, look at your own son. He is your family but that doesn't mean that he is not an idiot."

You’ll are idiots for not asking him what he did before judging me.

"Just because I didn’t answer back doesn't mean that I made a mistake, it means that I respect your age and I'm mature enough to understand how stupid you are.”

But the bigger stone that hit me harder was my parents’ reaction to this incident. They said that I would have no choice in selecting the guy.

I would have to marry whomever they chose for me.

I was deeply broken by all these incidents. Now, I have no say in my own life because of this guy.

They arranged another alliance immediately even though I told them that I was not ready for it.

I begged them to give me some time but the same abuses started again. I feel so miserable and can’t stop crying at my fate.

I'm fighting again to choose the right guy that I can marry. I was the happiest person for 24 years of my life but the 25th year has been the worst.

I don't know how it'll end and whom I'll marry.

2017 was the worst year I’ve ever experienced and I’m waiting for it to end at the earliest. I’m hoping for a better 2018.

After all this, I’ve learned that marriages are not made in heaven.

They are made when a family understands what their son or daughter wants. That makes a successful marriage.
Editor's Note:

Arranged marriages have been a long accepted norm in our country. However, a marriage is a lifetime commitment and should have the consent and happiness of both the individuals involved. Share this story because it's high time that a girl or boy get a say in choosing their life partner.