We were friends. To me, we had the best, most honest friendship in the world. We met on Facebook when I commented one day on a social figure’s post. He liked it. He then sent me a personal text and we spoke about that topic for a while.

It was unexpected; but with time, our conversations evolved over our common topics. Soon, we got to know each other on a personal level. He was from another state, around 700kms away from me. He was preparing for civil services, and for that, he ended up coming to my city for coaching. He had no one here. And even though we hadn’t yet met, we became the closest of friends. We would play games on chats, or antakshri. Or we’d just end up chatting till the wee hours of the day.

Something was there between us, and one day, out of nowhere, I sent him a message, “Be my everything… or nothing.” And that’s when we decided, it probably was a good time to meet. Our first meeting still brings butterflies to my stomach. We kissed that day; and from then on, were madly in love. He was going back in a fortnight, so we could barely have 4-5 short meetings.

You can imagine, this turned what should have been two friends parting, into something a lot tougher.

Though, I was pretty sure we would meet again. For the next six months, we were connected through endless phone calls, continuous texting, and late-night video calls.

One day, my social media escapades caught up with me. I was joking around with a guy on Instagram. And he caught the conversations. This was the day he stopped loving me.

I begged him to reconsider, telling him that I loved him and I was loyal to him; this was simply small talk on a social media site. But he didn’t think so. We didn’t talk for months after this. But I didn’t stop sending him my apologies or asking him to give me a second chance. After a long while, he decided to start talking to me again, for the sake of our friendship.

I love him, even today. I won’t be able to think of anyone else, let alone love someone else. Even though he’s made it clear that he wants nothing more than friendship from me. Sometimes, we do have our weak moments, and our conversations do get a romantic touch, but the moment he realizes this, he stops and says that it’s wrong and that I should stop calling him. I’ve had plenty of arguments with him. I have hope deep within me.

But he tells me that we probably won’t get a chance to meet each other again. And that what I have now, is an unreasonable and unrealistic expectation of love, from him.

I don’t deny that if things were to go forward, we’d have a battle ahead of us, with our families. In his words, within four or five years, I’d realize that actually, this was nothing and that we’re just postponing the inevitable.

But the way I see it, I love him. And that’s the only thing that’s real.

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