I will be 30 in a few days, and I still feel that I haven't accomplished anything. I have so many unanswered questions. I hope it's just not me feeling this way. My childhood wasn't great. I had a loving mother, an army dad, one sister and one brother. Dad built in so much fear in us, that we wouldn't dare do anything wrong. Even if we did, we dared not speak about it, as the aftermath was painful. Oh and also, "we" here refers to just us sisters as our brother came a few years later. So, I spent most of my childhood in fear, even though I managed to make a few stupid mistakes, one of them is falling for the wrong guy who treated me bad.
When my dad got to know, he hit me black and blue. Now, when I think about it, he didn't have to. He could have spoken to me, scolded me or discussed about it, anything but hit me!
Well, basically, my childhood was crazy. Alas, we grew up. My sister did a similar mistake and to rectify it, my mom sent her away, outside the country. We drifted apart, we don't see eye to eye anymore. I don't know how but, I don't seem to understand what changed between us. I got a job and I thought that I was independent now. But, obviously, it was only a thought. I still lived with my parents, supporting them financially and still being questioned about my whereabouts or my decisions. So, I stuck to my corporate job and worked late just to avoid going home early.
Years passed, two serious relationships passed and then I met my husband. He had been on my mind even as I was sailing through the other relationships, but it was just a crush until we met again and sparks flew.
I moved with him to a different city where he is settled. I quit the corporate job and I'm working on a small business while being a freelancer online. Right now, in this place with my husband, I am happy. It's not perfect but I am happy.
And, I still feel something is missing, I feel a weird sadness and I can't explain it. Is that weird? Or am I just overthinking? I don’t get it!