Relationships friendship infidelity break-up the other woman

I Am Not Guilty, But She Chose To Make Me The "Other Woman"

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

Once upon a time, there lived a girl who stayed in a bubble. Oh! I shouldn't start my story this way because as of now there is no happy ending. This is a sad story, this is my sad story. Well maybe not so much, but they say I am a bit of an exaggeration. Let's start.

Hello lovely people, I am Paheli - a complicated girl who likes to live a simple life but ends up in controversies, because of her extreme/complicated soul.

I befriended these two people last year, Noor and Amilia. Noor and Amilia were dating each other for 3 years, and they were in love but they couldn't resolve the little issues which became humongous over time. They chose to part ways. You're wondering that this story looks like it is more about Noor and Amilia than Paheli, but well, then enters Paheli. I was good friends with the couple, more so with Noor.

When Noor drifted apart from Amilia, he found solace in me. We managed to develop a bond that was inexplicable and that's what we respected about it.

At the same time, Amilia and I became friends and she often confided in me about her bitter feelings for Noor. At times, I felt conflicted, but I soon got over it. However, Noor and I crossed a few emotional boundaries. You'd wonder what is that and trust me, I do too. I told this story to a friend and this is the phrase she used, and I chose to quote her (mostly because that's the only thing that makes sense).

I believed her but at the same time this thought couldn't leave my mind, what is a boundary? Who defines a boundary? Are you supposed to have boundaries? Is that not contradictory to the follow-your-heart concept? Anyway, one part of me thought that it is right and that maybe we didn't have boundaries.

But the thing is, I can say for myself, I didn't think about it. All I knew was that there is this person who I like talking to, and he likes talking to me, too. We could easily talk about our deepest fears, we could talk about anything under the sun, and I cherished this about our friendship. Moving ahead, after a month or two, Noor and Amilia started resolving their issues and finally decided to patch up.

I was very happy about the whole thing, but this got me worried about the pact Noor proposed. Well, the pact said '1. We wouldn't develop feelings for each other; 2. If either of us get into a relationship, we wouldn't let that affect our equation with each other'.

I am all for pacts and I try to abide by the bro code and I considered Amilia a bro, which made Noor off limits for me. I was always sure of this thing, so the first point of the pact was easy-to-do for me. The second point also sounded nice because I didn't want to lose him. After their patch up, a few incidents made Amilia suspicious of our bond and she felt that I am 'the other woman' in the scenario. And I promise you guys, with the kind of bond I had developed with her, this was the last thing I would expect her to think of me. Noor confronted me with this and I was mostly taken aback. Maybe I should've stopped talking to Noor for Amilia but I didn't want to lose a friend. We decided not to meet because that would affect her, but nonetheless, we didn't stop talking.

But with Amilia in the equation, I tried to step back as much as possible, but I guess, I should've taken a bigger step.

Finally, what happened was, I chose to confront A because her cold behaviour was disturbing, to say the least. I was not guilty of anything, but I felt like I am putting myself down with unanswered messages, being blocked on WhatsApp, phone calls going unanswered, being called “the meanest person on the earth and the girl who backstabbed her”. It was a tad too much for me. I tried to explain the scenario to her, and I told her that I am sure that neither of us had feelings for each other. I tried to explain to her that I am possibly infatuated with my ex.

But she didn't budge, and it got on the verge of being ugly.

That is when I decided to take a stand and step back. In the meantime, I suggested that Noor and I should stop talking. I suggested that to save their relationship. Noor not just agreed but had a valid point that even if we stay friends, the foundation of our friendship would be disgusting. So, not only did he decided to break up with her, he decided to part ways with me too. Only if this could work out in their favour, life would be easier for all of us!

Though a part of me feels guilty and disgusted with my role in this episode, the other part of me justifies it by saying that Amilia shouldn't be so insecure of the guy that she has been dating for 3 years.

Also, they broke up initially for a reason, and I kind of felt dragged into the whole scenario. I didn't want any of this to happen. I lost two very precious friends, and I also lost a little integrity and self-confidence along with it.

I thought of myself as the cupid, the one who makes people resolve issues, I can't live with the tag of 'the other woman'. It's suffocating, and it has brought a lot of despair for everyone and a lot of shame on me.

Share this Article

You Might Also Like...