How 'Young Love' Became The Noose Around My Neck

Anonymous Anonymous in Your Story on 15 September, 2017

I was in a long-distance relationship with a guy I loved for almost two years. I was pursuing my engineering in Bangalore and he was doing his BBA in Hyderabad. My parents stayed there, so I would visit often, this of course, was a lovely excuse to meet him as well! Of course, my mom’s sixth sense caught on and since we were from different castes, I could never say anything about him at home.

But he promised me that he would settle down in his life soon and go up to my parents himself and ask for my hand in marriage.

He assured me that he would convince our parents about us and that our future would be a bright and beautiful one, with everyone happy. I was naïve to buy all of his rubbish, but this is just me now, then, I was smitten. I had just turned 18 when I left my for my studies and while everything was moving quickly, he was loyal, caring and I couldn’t imagine my life without him.

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The first few months passed by like a dream. He was everything that I wanted. Soon, my exams came closer, which meant that we couldn’t talk as much as we used to. This made him aggressive. He fought with me before my exams and accused me of not having enough time for him. I tried to make time for him, but no matter what I did, it wasn’t enough.

Suddenly, he became aggressive if I chose to spend time with my parents or friends, instead of talking to him. If I tried to pick them, we would end up fighting, so even if I was sitting with them, I was constantly on my phone trying to solve matters or calm him down.

I couldn’t take part in extracurricular activities or have any social life.

One night, I was in no position to talk to him, I had a high fever and a cold and it was difficult for me to even breathe. He was enraged and began screaming on the phone. Eventually, he forgave me for not talking to him when I had a fever.

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It was then I realized that this couldn’t continue. I called him and broke up with him, I told him that I needed my space and that this was reaching a level of harassment.

He began blackmailing me and spoke about his anxiety attacks and the depression I was putting him through. I tried to, but I absolutely couldn’t leave him. I loved him, I couldn’t hurt him. I tried asking him to change, even slightly, to make our relationship a little more bearable. He agreed, but this was only short lived. It didn’t take him long to go back to his clingy self.

If I said anything harsh or told him I was done with us, he would emotionally blackmail me and tell me how he would die if I wasn’t with him. He began showering me with expensive gifts, and if I objected to them, he would cry and tell me that I was his to pamper.

What is the point of all these gestures if I can’t appreciate them or his love through this? Every time I try to explain this to him, he breaks down in tears and reels me back into this farce we call love.

It didn’t take long for all of this to show up on my grade card, I was questioned by my parents and didn’t hesitate to tell them the truth about him. I explained everything to them; they were hurt that I kept them in the dark about this for 2 years, but also decided that they would help me cut off from this boy, forever.

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I changed my number, my email accounts, everything. It was time to get my life on track. 

But as I did this, he started calling my friends instead and tried to get them to share my number with them. I couldn’t take this either, so one day, after almost three months, I decided to call him and tell him that he should stop doing all this rubbish.

Unfortunately, I forgot that it was his words I fell in love with and next thing I know, I was talking to him again. He told me that he had suffered a major stroke because of the torture my actions had put on his body and he was hospitalized for three days. 

This lasted for a few days, until I found out that he was lying and using what little love and concern I had for him, against me. This time, I left him for good. No explanation, no phone calls, no fights, nothing. Some of our common friends think I’m a horrible person for leaving a guy who was smitten by me. They even talk about how I’ve found someone else and that’s why I’m ‘bored’ of this relationship.

It surprises me how it’s always just one side of a story that gets all the credit- but honestly, in all of this, I’ve won my sanity and freedom back, and I think that’s more than I could ask for!

 

Editor's Note:

Too many young women don't see the face of abuse in the guise of love. Share this story to give them the courage to cut loose.