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He Loves Me But We Can't Be Together Because He Loves His Wife Too

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

Life is easy but we often complicate it, and when it happens, we are unable to understand how and why it happened.

I had a happy married life with two kids. I was an outgoing, frank and fun-loving woman who had many ambitions in life. On the other hand, my husband was shy, calm and did not know how to enjoy life.

He believed that this was a man’s society where a woman's only role was to serve a man.

He never really respected me. He loved me but on his terms. I had no complaints. I compromised with life and tried to live happily.

We moved to the USA, and I finally got my dream job. I struggled a bit initially but tried my best to settle down. That is where I met him for the first time. His kids were in my son's class, and I also knew his wife. However, I‘d never spoken to him before.

We met in the break room, and I introduced myself. I discovered that we were on the same project. At the beginning of the year, it was a purely professional relationship. He helped me throughout the year, and we would talk only once in a while.

Sometimes, I would give him compliments, as I was a frank person. But I never really noticed his reaction.

One time, he had to go out of town, and we had a big release. I was facing an issue, and I did not receive any help from my team. I tried contacting him but was unable to reach him.

Somehow, we managed to send the release in production. When I was about to leave the office, he texted me, "Hey stranger!"

I don't know why but I had a big smile on my face.

We chatted for a while, and I explained how nervous I was. I told him that I was still worried and hoped that everything went well. He assured me saying, "You must have done a good job, don’t worry." I still can’t forget his words.

The following day was a weekend, but I had to work till late. Now and then, he kept checking if everything was going well. When my work was done, I started watching a movie, but I was still chatting with him.

We ended up talking about a lot more than just work.

We shared a lot of things and I didn't realize how time flew away and it was 4 in the morning. I dozed off, and when I got up, it was around 10 a.m. I got busy with weekend chores. Then I went to a friend's house for dinner.

Life was normal and I did not feel any difference. But there was something within me that had changed.

When we returned from dinner, I changed my clothes, talked a bit about dinner and went to the study to work some more. I don't know how many times I checked my phone.

I had no clue why I was looking and what I was expecting.

I couldn't work at all and decided to sleep. As soon as I turned off the lights, my phone buzzed. I was excited, and a smile spread across my face. I didn’t even wait for a nanosecond and looked at the phone, as I knew who it could be.

It was him! I asked him so many questions; where he was, what was he doing, etc. I had no clue why I asked him all that. We spoke for a long time yet again.

When I got up in the morning, I had to rush to work. I got ready and was serving breakfast to my kids and packing their tiffin when my phone buzzed. I never pick up or even look at my phone till I say bye to my kids. But that day, I didn't realize when they left or when I said bye to them.

It was him again, and the message was, "Ready for work?" I smiled and replied "Yes".

Then he asked, "May I see you?" I frowned but did not think of saying "no" or "why".

I immediately clicked my picture and sent it to him. He replied, "You’ve dressed up so well like always." I could not believe him and asked if he’d ever noticed the way I dressed. He replied that he always noticed it and also loved the way I dressed. He said, "Whether it is a dress or business casual or jeans and top, you always look stunning."

I was amazed and quite frankly, delighted. Then he called me for the first time, and I spoke to him all the way to work.

Soon, it became a routine where he would call, and we would speak for hours. Finally, the day arrived.

I was texting him and wrote, "I love you!" I did it but was shocked at my own action.

I was scared, and my mind kept racing. Then the phone rang; it was him. I was scared that I was going to lose a good friend, mentor, and colleague. I picked up the phone, and he kept yelling, "What did you say, what did you type?" I felt numb.

I gathered my courage and told him, "I’m sorry. Did you hate it?"

He exclaimed, "No! I loved it and want to hear it again."

It was the happiest moment, and once again I said, "I love you". He asked me to keep repeating it. I never knew that he liked me the same way as I did. He hung up by saying that he'd meet me on Sunday at an upcoming community event.

When I finally saw him, there was a different glow. Though he was with his wife and kids, I could feel thousands of butterflies in my stomach. When we were walking together, he said that he wanted to hold my hand. Those words touched me. I remembered the time when I went on walks with my husband.

I’d try to hold his hand but he would always pull back.

I tried telling him that there was no reason to be shy; after all, I was his wife. But nothing changed. And now, when he said the same thing, I couldn’t believe it.

As days passed by, we became closer and crossed our limits. Whether we were talking, working, meeting for coffee or even making love, both of us enjoyed everything in the same way.

I was finally experiencing the compatibility, romance, and care that I had wished for all those years.

Until one day, when my husband caught me. Things got ugly. He involved our kids who were 16 and 19 at that time. He warned me never to talk to him. He told his wife to warn him too. My love and I were shattered.

We broke down but we didn’t have the courage to tell our spouses that we loved each other.

My husband asked his wife to tell him to quit the job. She expected the same from me. However, neither of us was in a position to leave the job.

According to them, we had stopped talking. But it was not true.

We did not talk in front of them, but we continued to meet before and after work. We even ate lunch together. They caught us talking a couple of times, but that didn’t stop us. We started meeting at a mutual friend’s house. Though his wife spoke to me normally, my husband never talked to them again.

Slowly, things became normal. However, I got laid off and had to join a different company. But that didn't stop him from meeting me every day. We chatted regularly too. We could not think of living without each other.

Both of us knew that we had responsibilities and we didn't want our kids to suffer.

We continued doing our duties towards our spouses. Life was going on. My husband never spoke to me about the incident. He behaved normal, and things were fine. His wife bugged and tortured him occasionally, but their life became normal too.

Now, he has adjusted to the current situation. He enjoys his vacations, parties and staying at home with her.

He has moved on in life and does okay without meeting or talking to me.

But if he doesn’t text me or I don't get to see him, I feel dull and sad. I am not that fun-loving girl anymore.

I can no longer have fun or enjoy time with my family.

I still can’t imagine life without him. I cannot accept the reality of him going away from me. I can’t stop thinking about him. My day starts with his ‘good morning’ and ends with his ‘good night’.

I know he loves me a lot but I also know that he loves his wife too.

I know he will never leave her and live with me. I am a mature woman, and I know what is right and wrong. I know I should focus on what I have rather than the things I cannot get.

I am not a teenager but I am unable to get his thoughts out of my head.

I feel like killing myself. I don't know what to do or how to get my life back.

I can no longer love my husband as I once did.

I am seated in two boats, and I don't know when my heart and mind will come ashore.


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