He Didn't Only Shamelessly Ask For Dowry, He Also Made Me Want To Kill Myself

Anonymous Anonymous in Your Story on 10 April, 2017

READ THIS FIRST: Being A 'Nice Girl' All My Life Didn't Give Me Love, It Only Made Me Fall For The Worst Man

He came near my work place and I expected the evening to be something special. After all we were meeting for the first time. But it turned out to be something else, it was just about physical intimacy.

The next day I introduced him to my family. We confessed our love for each other. My family didn't accept him. I fought with them for him and managed to convince them. Finally they agreed. Our joy knew no bounds.
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Girish introduced me to his friends and his family. Everything went well. From then on, every other day we would meet but it was all about intimacy.

Through all this, I still held on firmly to my belief, not to give up my virginity before marriage.

After a month he told me that he quit his job abroad to be with me here and convinced me that he truly loved me. I was a fool to believe every single word that he said. One day, he just disappeared from my life. Without a word he changed his number, blocked me on all social media platforms. I tried to reach him for one month. He made his family members tell me that he was not here in India.

There was no way that I could reach him. I didn't know his house, though I knew his family members' numbers but I didn't want to tell them all this. My world fell apart.
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I got no sleep for months. I became weak, frustrated, depressed. I couldn't go to work. All day long I would lock myself up and cry, cry and cry. There was absolutely nothing that I could do. I couldn't concentrate on anything. I suffered from migraine, terrible headaches and would literally faint everyday. Every night I would cry myself to sleep. I could not keep away the thoughts of Girish, the places he took me, the roads he walked on, everything around me reminded me of him.

I was on medication for depression. My family knew this. They stood by me, supported me and tried  every way to get me out of this mess.

I wanted to know what made him do this to me. What did I do to make him walk out on me without a word? Didn't he owe me an explanation? I felt so guilty, ashamed of myself. I felt used. I hated myself for falling for him. I hated myself for trusting him. I couldn't believe that I was cheated on like this. I wanted to die. Suicidal thoughts started to crop up and I would think of different ways to do it. I thought I could never come out of this terror. It was torture.

No matter what I did, I would think of him and tears would swell up my eyes. I wanted to forget him, I wanted a world where I no longer thought of him. And so I came to a conclusion that the only way to be free from all this was to commit suicide.

All this might sound stupid because it's just a matter of months. But it came as great disappointment to me. You'll never know until it happens to you. It's not how many years you love a person, but how much you love them. I loved him with every ounce of energy, with my heart, mind, soul and every fibre of my being. I loved him more than my family, friends and more than myself. I loved him more than any person I knew or will ever know. I loved him more than life itself.

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Suicide was the only thing in my mind. But then I thought of all the sacrifices my parents had made for me, to give me a good life, to give me the education to see me succeed. My mind ran through all the difficulties we as a family had endured. Meanwhile my family and friends encouraged me that better things are on the way and that he walked out on me for good.

Life changes, things go wrong, people change and everything turns upside down. But life is not what happens to you. It's what you do after you're broken, struck down and what you choose to rise up.

I felt even closer to God now. I would feel so dry, empty and hopeless. Then I slowly realised that there was much more to life than taking my life for some cheat who just used me to satisfy his lust. I didn't want to take any revenge.

After a few months, he came back. He starting to pursue me for another two months till I gave in. That was such a senseless act. He begged, answered every question. He said that he loved me but didn't want to get married so soon and that's the reason he walked out on me. He begged me for one last chance. And that screwed up my life all over again.

I was blind. I began trusting him again. But they say once a cheater, always a cheater. He never let me touch his mobile. When I checked his phone once, there were many chats with girls, the most shocking fact was that I saw he had contacts with some prostitutes. When I asked him , he said yeah but that was before I came into his life.

I was devastated but still decided to wait and see how honest he was. I got to know from one of his friends Yaswanth that Girish was never stable. He didn't even complete his graduation. He told me many things that left me speechless. But after giving a lot of thought to it I began to see that every single word that Girish had told me was a lie. EVERYTHING was a lie.

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They say never forgive a person who's let you down more than twice. First is a warning, second is a lesson and the third is simply taking advantage. And that's what happened with me. He took advantage of me.

Even the chances I gave him didn't prove his love for me. But it certainly did prove how fake he was and how stupid I was  to give him another chance. Second time too he was all lovey dovey when he wanted something and the moment he got it, he was again nowhere to be seen. He just disappeared. Observing his reluctant attitude I began to avoid him, making sure I didn't lose my virginity to him.

He became abusive. He slapped me once because I didn't allow him to touch me. He became physically and verbally abusive. This time I chose to take things in my own hands. I had made myself so naked in front of him that he knew every detail of my life. The moment I felt he was unstable and selfish, I told him that he was not the one for me and that he didn't deserve me and I walked out on him.

It's been a few months ever since, today I am still here recovering from the heartbreak. I've had my share of problems and I've emerged from them victoriously. When I was so carefree, without worries, enthusiastic about my future, he came along and ruined everything. But one thing he did leave me with are a lot of crucial life lessons.