I had just entered corporate life after finishing my post-graduation. I was a girl with not many friends, especially boys because I had very little interaction with them. I had left my family for the first time to join a job in a new city. I was a very obedient child and always busy with studies and my family. After coming to a new city, I was excited to join a new job and live independently. It was going well for a few days. I had minimal interaction with people in my office as I was very shy to start a conversation.
Somehow, I started noticing one guy whose voice I liked. He looked nice to me.
I started noticing him frequently. Slowly he too realized that I admired him. It was difficult for me to break the ice but still, I wanted to talk to him. I always waited for him to start but he was all the more shy, I guess. I started noticing him daily and there was only eye contact between us. I felt hesitant to go ahead and talk as he was always surrounded by a lot of people. Slowly that infatuation was turning into liking, without my realization.
As days passed, I felt a strong urge to talk to him but I still couldn't start. Finally after 5 months of this, one day I found a stupid and weird way to talk to him. I regret this act of mine but I had no other choice.
I created a fake Facebook ID and sent him a friend request.
That way, we started talking, but soon realized it was someone from his office. I had done this just because I didn't know how to talk to him, but I ended up hurting him. So this also ended.
I had lost all hopes and assumed that it had all come to an end. But I had really enjoyed talking to him with my hidden identity because it helped me get to know him. He looked quite genuine and simple to me which made me more attracted towards him.
Somehow I started liking and admiring him more than before. Five months passed and still, we had no verbal contact. One day I gathered enough courage to send him a Facebook request from my real ID. He accepted it and slowly we started talking. I came to know more about him and started liking him more. So after a month or two, we decided to meet outside. That was the first date of my life with the man I had been crushing on for a year. I was ecstatic.
Everything was going well and I started developing feelings for him. He was always on my mind, and I had butterflies in my stomach each time I saw him. He was a simple guy with not a strong background but still, I liked him a lot. He slowly started realizing, maybe, that I was becoming serious about him.
Although we had vast differences in our backgrounds, subconsciously I was making up my mind to accept everything and think of moving ahead. I was confused whether he too felt the same for me. There was no such confession from his side, so finally one day I decided to let him know that I really liked him.
I had always heard that girls usually do not propose but I felt that since I had feelings for him, it would be unfair to not tell him.
I was expecting a 'yes' from him but he said that love will not be possible between us. That day, I was really broken as I was not expecting this. He was my first love and I really felt bad for getting rejected.
I felt so bad that I could not recover from it for long, but I made myself accept the fact that if you love someone, it doesn't mean that he would also feel the same for you. We are still friends but somewhere I still feel bad. I am still not able to move ahead and still think of him being with me someday.
With this, I realized why girls don't confess their feelings. That is because if they are expressing something, they are fully serious about it. Being rejected will really break their heart and it will be difficult for them to move on. I still like him because he genuinely expressed himself instead of playing around with my feelings. Perhaps we were not made for each other.