Have you experienced this moment, when you’re just sitting, doing some work or are with other people and suddenly, just like that, your whole life comes to a standstill?
All because of a single thought; of one person, comes rushing to you. Sometimes, when you least expect it. And sometimes, when you’re intentionally trying to bring back some memories.
I know we all know this feeling, just a bit too well, it’s the after-effects of love.
When you’ve loved someone so deeply, you’re bound to think of them in your daily life.
This is what’s happening with me right now.
She comes in front of me, and I, like a hopeless idiot, run scenarios of a life that could have been. I guess loving someone too much, is a crime. It’s an imprisonment of yourself.
It’s been more than a year now, but her name still does what it did to me when I first heard it. My heart still beats faster and I know that I’m stuck.
The point here is, she’s the first girl in my life. The first one who has made me feel different. Who has made me feel, something!
So that day, when I heard her name, my body froze. The whole world froze around me. My heart began beating, terribly fast and I felt that I wouldn’t be able to breathe.
The noise gets louder and louder, in my ears and I’m wondering if I can even snap out of this.
All I’m left with are the memories. The pain that comes with it, it destroys me, it destroys the peace within me. It’s suffocating; it leaves me numb, as well as brings out all the aches and sores I was trying to forget.
I’m present, for the people around me, but absent for myself.
I can’t tell if I’m living or just going through the actions. And this happens every single night.
My advice to everyone out there who have loved the way I have, find a way to destroy these memories, otherwise, you’re going to end up destroying yourself.