Dear Future Husband, I Want You To Be My Friend First, Then A Lover

Anonymous Anonymous in Your Story on 27 February, 2018

 

Dear Future Husband,

In different facets of life, we encounter certain important people who stay with us forever. At our birth, it’s our parents. When we marry, it’s our spouse and when we become a parent, it’s our kids. But in my entire life, you would be one of the most important people.

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In this patriarchal society, it goes without saying about my duties as a wife, a daughter-in-law, a mother, and a woman. I can assure you that these duties will be taken care of more than what you would expect.  Being a woman, this has been seeded in me since my birth. This is also because I believe in giving and spreading the love.

However, at the same time, this society does not speak of what a woman desires. I don’t want money, fancy dinners, a splendid house, or luxuries. For that, I am quite independent and capable of achieving it all by myself.

What is being forgotten in the society is a mere factor that the girl who has lived one-third of her life with her parents – where she was loved and pampered unconditionally, is suddenly expected to change her role and impress new family members.

Though I know this is how the society always has been, but she is expected to be showered with love, care, and understanding, especially from YOU. YOU are the only person she counts on and moves to a new place. YOU are her only friend there. I would want you to make me feel my importance and presence in your life. If you do that, it would keep me content and let me fulfil all my responsibilities with great ease.

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You need to understand that this isn’t an easy thing to do; a girl suddenly enters into her womanhood from being a little-pampered girl. It is probably a tougher task than becoming a CEO of a company.

I only want you to never make me feel ignored. If that ever happens, just take a moment to be in my shoes and try to feel how difficult it is for me.

There could be times when I make mistakes but don’t expect me to be perfect. Treat me like your child at times and understand my innocence when I commit mistakes. Make me understand it with love. I would be handling many new relations altogether, but the only relationship where I can be myself, without fearing about being judged, would be with YOU.

There could be times when I can’t handle the pressure and burst out in tears or scream at you. I am sorry for that but that would happen because you are the only happy place where I would be comfortable doing that. You are a friend to me first then a lover. Don’t you think that shows how important you would be to me?

When I say you are most important to me, I also understand the sacrifices you would need to make. You may face a tough time juggling between your family and wife’s expectation, trying to keep both of them happy. I would definitely try to support you wherever I can since your parents are mine too and they should always be our priority.

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I know you would too be under immense pressure; after all, you take someone else’s daughter along with you and promise her parents to always take care of her. That’s why I request you to treat me as your better half and a best friend in a true sense.

I would love to see you speak out your emotions before me. We both are into this beautiful relationship, a true and long-lasting friendship and we shouldn’t make the privilege of expression gender-biased.

I promise to always give you my attention and time, however, if you ever feel ignored simply tell me about it. It may happen unintentionally. It’s always a two-way thing. I understand you would equally need an emotional support from me as much as I need from you. Understanding each other’s sacrifices and responsibilities would only increase the respect and love between us and make our bond stronger.

At last, I want to say, I do have opinions, I have made important choices and decisions in my life, and marrying you was one of them. Hence, always make sure to respect my opinion. We may differ sometimes and I might agree to go your way. That’s because I respect yours too and you simply caring to ask me for my opinion would make me feel worthwhile.

Please never forget the sacrifice a girl has to make to build a family with you; she moves on from her own family to build one with yours. That doesn’t mean I would forget mine, they were my first and will always be.

All I ask for is your love, care, and attention. Is it a lot to ask for?
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Yours,
To-be wife

 

Editor's Note:

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