I can’t understand whether what I have is guilt or regret. I am a fitness freak and a personal trainer, she used to come to my gym for Zumba. We became friends on Facebook and after some time we started to chat. She was beautiful but still, she used to praise me for my physique and for my singing and guitar skills. Yes, I am a guitar player and a singer also. I guess this is where she fell in love with me. We started chatting at late nights and then started dating each other. She was too caring and was always concerned about my diet, my mood and my sleep. She used to bring food and juice for me before she would leave for college as she was an engineering student, she would go to college late.
Her friend Harshu would bring her to my gym just to meet me, and she used to feed me daily on the stairs or in the parking.
But then my ex started calling and messaging me, and I loved her so I don’t know what happened to me but I started to avoid her. I began talking to my ex again she noticed this change in my behaviour. She asked me what had happened, but they were just casual talks so I didn't tell her the truth but I didn’t want to cheat on her so one day I told her that I still had feelings for my ex and that she wants to get back.
I also still wanted her back so I told her that I wanted to break up. She cried a lot, and I was helpless. Then she seemed okay and asked if we could still be friends. I was okay with that but a few months later, my ex and I started to fight a lot. During then, this girl would ask me harshly, “kya hua, aap ki fight hui hai?” I did not like it and I would get mad at her and would tell her to stay away from me. But then she somehow always managed to calm me down. For 4 months, she never gave up on me, till the day I cried and texted her that if she wants to see me happy then not to text me.
That night I cried a lot because I realised I had lost a diamond while trying to pick up stones.
I am still guilty for what I did to her because I know it was wrong of me. I always think about her and wish her a happy life because she deserves nothing less. I want to say this to her: I am sorry for being an ass to you. Sometimes, I still can’t sleep when I think about what I did to you emotionally. I still listen to your songs and your voice notes to calm myself. I miss you.