15 Years Later I Still Don’t Know Why My Maa Left Me But I Know I Have Lost Her

Anonymous Anonymous in Your Story on 27 February, 2018

I was just a child when my parents separated. My mother and I started living in my maternal grandparents’ house after this. Two other aunts lived with my grandparents.

They were all lovely people but I was still having a hard time. I would often recall those days and nights when my father would come home drunk and beat my mother mercilessly.

I would cry out loudly to him and request him not to beat her but in vain. Nothing could stop him at such times. He would continue beating her till he was satisfied. Days turned into months and this continued to happen.

Advertisement

My mother would take me to my grandparents’ home so that I could get some peace there. All of them would always welcome me with warmth. Soon, I started spending more time with them than in my own house. After a while, my parents got separated.

I hated my father because I knew he was neither a good husband nor a good father.

My grandfather was the only earning member of the family. Often it became quite difficult for him to feed everyone. So my mother decided to take up some kind of a job to earn some money. She did manage to find a job in a nursing home for herself but it was in a distant place. Things were going on smoothly in our lives now.

I would visit her along with my grandmother and aunts. She too would often come over to meet me.
Advertisement

But one day something happened all of a sudden. We started hearing rumours that my mother was having an illicit relationship with someone. I was so shocked when I heard this.

I was just an 8-9-year-old kid at that time. I had no idea about what was going on in her life.

During the puja holidays, my mother came over to my grandparents’ home and took me along with her. She wanted me to spend the holidays with her. I was surprised when she introduced me to a man. She told me that he was my uncle. At that young age, I thought it was normal. All three of us had a great time together. We had lots of fun. I was happy.

I didn’t know who he was or what kind of a relationship he had with my mother. But I was somehow satisfied to see that my mother was happy.

But my happiness proved to be short-lived. One night, I heard someone screaming. I was fast asleep and the moment I opened my eyes I saw that person beating my mother furiously. I was dumbstruck for a few seconds. I didn’t know what to do.

Advertisement
Finally, I cried out very loudly repeatedly. I don't remember anything after that.

My mother came over to visit me after a few months. But I could sense that she was a changed woman now. She had changed completely.

I wondered if she was really my mother. She didn’t talk to me. She did not even smile at me.

I was so sad because I did not even know the reason behind all this.

I just knew that she was my mother – my ‘Maa.’

Yet I felt like a complete stranger in front of her.

Advertisement
Even today, I still can’t believe that it was the last time I saw her.

She never visited our house again. She did not try to contact me after that. I know she still lives in the same place that she had lived in earlier. But she has now faded from our lives.

I lost her. I lost my Maa and I don’t even know the reason behind it. I often wonder about her. What was my fault? What had I done to get this kind of a punishment?

They say that time heals everything. It has been almost 15 years now. Everything has faded away. I was only a 9- 10-year-old girl at that time. Today I am 23. People would ask me several questions about my mother. Then came a time when people stopped asking me questions about her. Now everything seems like a nightmare that happened to all of us a long time back. But the entire experience has left a deep impact on my heart.

I don’t think I will ever be able to forget all that happened to me in the past.
Editor's Note:

Questions. We all have so many of them all the time. And then we will curl our lips in a cynical smile when they continue to remain unanswered. Life is tough. Pain is a part of all our lives. But we also have the power and the ability to change the course of our lives. Do share this story so that this girl gets the courage to lead her life fully and freely despite the pain that haunts her.