She's An Ambitious Woman But This Is What Makes Her Hopelessly Complicated

Chandni Jani Chandni Jani in Stolen Diaries on 31 December, 2016

Who is she? An ambitious career oriented woman who believes in love and that's her fault.

"Is it unrealistic of me to want someone who would love me as unconditionally as I would him? Why do I never find someone who is exactly right for me? Why do I find faults in everyone I meet? Is it so difficult for one man to meet all my expectations? I don't know."

These are some of the questions that plagued her thoughts and further led her to wonder if she was going wrong in her naive search for the perfect partner. Beneath the persona of an ambitious career oriented woman that she had carefully constructed for herself lay the fragile heart of a hopeless romantic with simple desires.

Beneath the mask of a tough and practical 21st century woman hid a delicate girl waiting for love. Sure, one might call her an old school romantic when it came to matters of the heart. But was any of this too much to ask for?

She dreamt of long walks, late night conversations, endless cups of coffee, and listening to music with her beloved. She only wished for someone to cook her a warm meal when she got back from work and for someone to meet her at the door when she came back home after a long day of caring for the homeless pups at the dog shelter.

She wanted someone to tell her how beautiful and perfect she is in the morning when her hair isn’t perfect and her breath isn’t minty fresh. She longed for someone who would read the book that is her life, slowly unfolding her story a chapter at a time, taking it all in with passionate curiosity.

But in wishing for a best friend in a lover, was she asking for too much? Someone who would hold her hand in a crowd, someone who would accept her for who she is, someone who would show his love for her to his friends without a care for what people think of him, someone who would make her his first priority.

Perhaps to want someone like that, for all its apparent simplicity, in fact complicated things.

She wanted constant declarations of undying love and appreciation during conversations, in little cards and flowers, in song dedications and during long drives.

She desired to show and be shown love in acts of cooking for each other, pampering massages, and simple text messages. She wished to be swept off her feet by her man. Perhaps to want such an old school romance was unrealistic.

Perhaps these men do not exist outside of a Nicholas Sparks novels. Perhaps she was weaving a fantasy for herself that would only lead her to be disappointed in whoever she met.

But that didn’t stop her from wanting simply the best of what she thought life had to offer. All she wanted was to make memories and fill her heart with the joy of giving and receiving love. Is that too much to ask for? In a complex world where romance is defined by the cacophony of dating websites, the meaningless exchanging of store-bought gifts and expensive getaways to overpriced tourist destinations. Were those wants of hers not the least one could want when longing for love?

These were only some of the questions that plagued her naive mind. Was she ever going to find answers to these questions? Only time will tell.

Until then, she'll just be a complicated independent girl with an even more complicated mind.