I Saved My Virginity For So Long Just So The Man I Loved Could Force Himself On Me

Anonymous Anonymous in Life Is Tough on 27 December, 2016

And if you truly love me you would. If not, it would leave me no choice but to bear the fact that you were sleeping around while being with me.

I cried. More than just tears, it was every part of me that whined even louder, so much so that silence couldn’t stand the wailing me. What was I to do? Every single day of my cheerless life that I’ve been living, I saved myself. I saved myself so I could possibly give the best gift to the king who would rule my world and I would be his only queen. Not once did I ever rethink the promise I had made to myself. Not once did I think of breaking it.

But here, right fucking here I was stuck. Clutched between a promise I once believed would be immutable and him. But then again, I pushed myself to believe the fact that he loves me and so did I.

He told me that every day for six months and it was too late to realize what a fool I had been.

I begged him for what seemed like the longest second of my life to leave me alone. My silence was his opportunity to curse me. I stared at him while he threw his hands in the air to cynically appreciate me. All I had this moment was the bed beside me and the floor as my base. I had already lost my balance off the cliff that showed me what love is.

Love had a whole different meaning to me before I met this so called human being. It was like one of those off fairy tale starts, you fall for someone and the sole reason being the way they treat you and how you always have that feeling – ‘I feel like I'm on cloud nine’, which lights up your face. And believe me, you wouldn’t know but every bird around can tell how happy you are.

I just wish this all, right now, here, was a nightmare. I prayed like a million times between the good thoughts I had about him, surprised not to find any. I knew I was bleeding, emotionally. I felt torn apart. The moment he would lay his hands on me, my brain told my heart; You are done!

"Stupid b****!", he just ended his 'appreciation'. The only reply he got back was my lifeless staggered stare.

He came close to me and I was right there like a scene just from one of those movies he loved watching and one in particular that he forced me to watch. Not even in my wildest dreams had I thought I'll ever be left so helpless because of a man.

I had this urge to cry endlessly like there was no stop to the inflicted pain. 

But to date, I've not shed a tear. I've been wearing a smile everyday on my face ever since.