If there's one advice people take rather seriously in life, is of putting their best foot forward at first. We wish that the first impression would remain the last and so, we keep our crazy to ourselves. 

I won't blame him for showing me the ambitious side of him at first. He was lost, but he was ambitious. I fell in love. Well, to be honest, he was good in bed and that helped a lot too. He wanted to make me orgasm. I slept in his room once after a session when I didn't have an orgasm and woke up to his messages on Facebook with links to articles on the lines of 'How To Make Your Girl Orgasm'.

Let's not judge him there! I have googled the weirdest things on Earth. 

As time passed, his ambition in bed faded. Sex can become dull if you're too active, an article said (told you). I let it be. Would masturbate or push him to try. Then I stopped looking at him and started to really see.

We met during our post-graduation. Even after the course ended, he was still clueless about what he wanted to do. We would brainstorm ideas everyday... he would pick something up and drop it within a couple of days. Each day, I would realise how I had highly misjudged the situation. I started scrutinising things that had happened in the past while we were together. He cheated me, not on me, but he lied. And he lied about things again and again and again and again. 

Because of his habit of lying and my love for playing detective, I started snooping. I found out things that I never should have, because I lost my sanity. While I was one step away from screaming to the world that I loved him, he was unsure about what we really were, what I really was to him.

Sometimes he would tell his friends that he thinks he loves me and at other times he would proclaim that he wants to end things.

Not being sure about things is not wrong, but leading someone on indefinitely isn't right.

I kept forgiving him on things that he didn't even think were wrong. But it was always hard to forget. It would keep cropping up in my mind. He would always say shit like, "I have apologised a million times. What else do you want me to do?" I ended up feeling like a fool for digging up old graves more often than not.

My achievements were nothing for him. Or at least nothing special. Whenever I pointed it out, he asked me if I wanted fake reactions from him.

Everyday, I saw, I let him stamp on me. It's toxic to love someone who does that to you. I started doubting myself. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't focus on my work because my attention by default had to be on him, not when I am free, but when he is. I didn't have a life of my own left. My friends, although still with me, felt let down because I won't give them time because my priorities were set. I was a complete mess.

It's been a year since I broke up with him. I still face the consequences of being with a Manchild. This time around, though, I kick his likes out before they get into my bed. 

Share This Story