I Love You But He Will Decide If We Can Be Together

Anonymous Anonymous in Culture Shock on 30 December, 2016

I joined work almost four years ago. Our projects were to be assigned a month later. The initial days were fun and frolic, the trainees would have a cup of coffee together, have lunches in the office cafeteria together and leave for our respective places in the evening. As each day passed, we became anxious. Our projects were going to start soon and I knew that surviving in the IT industry was difficult. But I was prepared to learn all the do’s and don’ts.

I saw him after a few weeks into the project. Who could have said this new team member would become the favourite part of my life in sometime?

I would not call it ‘love’ though. I steer away from forced relations and let them take their own sweet time to form whatever form they want to take. In my 28 years of existence, never did I ever find anyone who I would have wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Besides, I was already in love with him. When I saw him, I would wonder who is this guy and what is he doing in my life when I am already in love with the Omnipotent. I, obviously, spoke to my friends about this. Would I call this an infatuation? No. I was fond of him and fondness is a little stronger than infatuation.

I didn't make any of my friends convey anything to him like they did in movies. Just seeing him once a day would suffice. My heart would sink deep and bounce back like a ball in water when I saw him in close proximity during those initial days. I still feel the waves whenever I see him. But friends will be friends. Once, when I asked my friend to share a piece of my chocolate with him in jest, she actually went ahead with it. On top of that, she even told him it was my idea.

Later, he pinged me to thank me. What started with a prank blossomed into a friendship based on respect, trust, admiration and appreciation for each other. We share a relationship devoid of criticisms, judgments and exhibitionism.

The more I interacted with him, the more I was attracted to him. I didn’t invest time in figuring out what this whole thing meant. I was always somehow convinced that the guys I came across in my life were never meant to become a significant part of my life. But this one, I was often perplexed if he was God-sent. I had left it for God to decide. As we all know, his plans are better than ours.

We rarely spoke about our ‘feelings’, but we were always there for each other. He didn’t try to make me feel special, he was always honest with me. He had the essence of purity which I will cherish and protect forever.

People find ‘opposites attract’ way more attractive than the ‘banal’ similarities. Well, I naturally go with similarity. I don’t get attracted to the differences, I'd rather accept or ignore them. When you meet someone, who has the similar attitude towards life, similar hobbies, likes, dislikes, things that happened in his/her life events, it is truly amazing. Differences are a necessity too, but those that complement one another. We often say the same things together, or say what the other has in their mind. When I would be thinking about him, he would either appear himself or send me a text! Such is our connection.

He is the kind of person who you can be yourself with without the fear of being judged. He knows his limits and sticks to them. He never asks questions if he thinks it is not his place to. He appreciates me when I think I deserve it the least. Sometimes I feel, he believes in me more than I believe in myself.  

I enjoy my space and believe everyone else should too. That’s the one thing about him that I really like about him. He enjoys his own company and he is his own priority. And it has no negativity attached to it. This is the kind of self-importance that is necessary. My friends question this trait of his, but I find it genuine. It requires the enlightenment to interpret someone, something said, or something done, in the right way. No one else is responsible for your misunderstandings.

We don’t know each other completely. Every day we find something new about each other. Every moment with him is a new experience. I think you don’t need time to really ‘know’ someone. What you need is the willingness to trust your instincts and honesty to self. This of course is the ‘I-don’t-care-what-they/you-think-about-me-but-this-is-who-I-am' attitude.

Like I said, I don’t force relationships. The beauty of our relation is that it happened effortlessly… naturally. I would not say he made my life meaningful. He was already there standing on the path which I was taken to before I met him. The path that was responsible for making me the person I am.

He makes me feel like a million lit up fireflies. And he denies it. Such is his innocence.

Honestly, I would wait for a lifetime for him, if I had the choice to choose my life mate. But being bound by destiny and my orthodox family, I have left it all on fate. I am the kind of person who waits and accepts whatever may happen. I have learnt to accept what life offers me over what I wish to have.

Oscillating between being in love with him and him, I am happy with being just friends. If God wishes for us to be together, we will. I can bet that our friendship would never get adulterated by elements of love… because I consider friendship to be the most vital part in any relationship. Love just acts as a bonus.

Some feel they choose and end up with the one meant for them, with their own efforts and it has nothing to do with fate or destiny but what they don’t know is that it’s all been decided. They are just acting upon the script of their lives.

Editor's Note:

Share this if you think Chuck Bass was right when he said, "If two people are meant to be together, they'll find their way back."