I Was 3-Months-Old When My Mother Left Me With My Grandparents, What Happened To Me There Is A Secret I Can't Even Tell My Husband

Anonymous Anonymous in Your Story on 31 October, 2016

I feel this urge to share my identity with you even though I know it makes no difference to you. For you, I’m any other girl who was abused in one way or the other in a backward society and it’s only fair. It took me 12 long years to realise that I shouldn’t be ashamed or guilty for what happened to me and no, this is not for your sympathy, this is for my freedom.

My name is Lorena, I belong to a very small town in Mexico City, and this is my story.

Till a few years ago, this is what my life looked like. I didn’t know I had a mother or what it’s like to have one till I was 12, how would I? I stayed with my grandparents since I was three months old. My mother was busy working in Texas and I could never understand why her job kept my brother and I far away from her for so long. But, this is not about her, this story is about what happened to me as a result of her decision of keeping us far away from her. But one fine day she did rise from the ashes and gave my brother and I a courtesy call.

I was three months old when my mother left me with my grandparents. When I was 3 years old, my mother had a son who came to stay with my grandparents as well. I was too young to understand why she wasn't living with us, but I never questioned her life choices. She was taking care of us financially, that is probably what kept her away and busy for so long. At least that’s what I wanted to believe.

Years passed by and except for my mother’s absence from our lives, everything seemed just fine.

Then came the horrific age for me, when puberty happened and along with it, many atrocious things happened. I was 9 when my grandfather started  to act differently with me, he would hug me more than usual. And no, it wasn’t his love and affection towards me.

It was clear, even at that age I could tell. But, I did what every shy girl does at that age, I kept shut. I kept shut until the night everything went out of hand. I was sleeping when suddenly at 1 am in the morning I woke up to somebody grabbing my legs desperately, as if the person had seen nothing like what was between them ever before. It was my grandfather, I woke up with a shock but he asked me to keep quiet. When I resisted, he put his hand in my mouth and continued touching me aggressively in my private parts. I knew it very well that what was happening was horribly wrong, but I couldn’t move. I tried to scream but my mouth was shut, the only way to push him away was to kick him, so I did. He walked away that night. I felt ashamed, guilty, after that night. We were a big family that lived together and I didn’t know how to face anyone anymore.

Sad truth is, that wasn’t the last time I got molested in my own house by a disgraceful elderly man.

Days passed by after that night and nothing happened, I was more aware around him all the time. But, this particular day I came back from school and passed out on my bed. When I woke up, nobody was home except my oldest uncle. He came to me asking about everybody and where they were. I didn't know what to say. I said that my grandmother was outside, but I knew he had travelled a long distance knowing nobody else was home. So he came to the bed and sat beside me, smiling. Then he asked me to take off my shirt, I said ‘No’. But, he was very aggressive and he managed to take off my skirt; I cried for him to stop but he didn't. I felt very small that day, powerless. He touched me everywhere a man can touch a female possibly and soon we heard a noise outside, that made him run out of the room. 

This kept happening until I was twelve years old and I told my grandmother and most of my family members about it, but nobody cared. They acted like I was crazy, they said I was making things up. I was desperate to get out of this helpless situation, so I went to  my teacher one day and told him everything I was going through at home. He felt bad and tried to help me by calling the police. The police even came to my grandparents’ house, spoke with them and once they were done talking, they left. I couldn’t help but wonder what my future in the home would be like after day. I was terrified because I was aware of the consequences. Everybody at home was mad at me, except for my little brother. He protected me as much as he could. However, there’s not much he could have done, he was younger than me and he was not strong enough to do anything to help me. I was giving up with every passing day but something else was in store for me and my brother, fortunately or unfortunately. 

But one fine day, my mother finally called and said she was coming to see us from Texas, I was mad yet relieved. It took her ages to show up, but she showed up and she showed up at the time I needed it the most. We couldn’t help but hate her and wonder, why now. But, I guess the feeling of relief overpowered every other feeling in my heart then. That’s why when she asked me if I wanted to go back with her to Texas, I didn’t hesitate for a second in saying yes. After all the choice was lesser of the two evils. All I asked her was for one thing and that was for my brother to come along with us. And it happened.

It has been 20 years since and although some things have changed, some things have remained exactly the same — my nightmares.

Author’s Note:

Since 2003 I've been in Texas and life changed, miseries changed. Now they are in the form of nightmares, about my grandfather and my uncle being in my room. I can't love myself, forget loving somebody else.  I am 29 years old today and I have a family of my own, but I can assure you that I never sleep comfortably and every night, I ask for forgiveness from my husband for not being a good wife. I am ashamed and I feel like my husband doesn't deserve a woman like myself. However, he never complains. My nightmares refuse to leave me alone. I guess it’ll all come to an end when they are dead, I pray for that everyday. Until then, I’ll have to live with it, the damage was done 20 years ago.